discipline

"It is precisely in times of spiritual dryness that we must hold onto our spiritual discipline so that we can grow into new intimacy with God." - Henri Nouwen

Sometimes the waters are so deep and i feel almost embarrassed by my immersion in spiritual things.  My husband will glance at me with one eyebrow cocked and sigh, "Babe - you don't have to take everything in life quite so seriously..."
And i wonder if he's right. 
But then there are other times that i remember the way my Father cradled me during those times of depth - the way that the timbre of His voice was familiarly strong and i miss the passion that coloured my view of each day as i find myself slipping into a period of dryness. i remember the growth, the surrender, the changes brought on by insights He so tenderly revealed... and i want it back... my embarrassing passion. 
i've found the older that i get - the less i take my relationship with God for granted. It's for my own sake that i tend it during periods of dryness - that i allow myself to feel some grief over my lack of discipline - and sluggishly allow Him to continue to speak into my life.
It's amazing to me that these times of dryness are also times of growth.
It's kind of like the hope described in my favourite passage in Romans 8: ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
It's less comfortable - to grow in dryness. It makes us more vulnerable to listen when His voice isn't clear. It's when my need is less obvious - that i realize that He's still there... because He's always there... because He loves me. 
And so - whether immersed - or dry - i'll cling to my Source, and in gratitude allow the intimacy to grow. 

1. I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
   No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
   
   • Refrain:
     I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
     Every hour I need Thee;
     Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
     I come to Thee.
2. I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
   Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.
3. I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
   Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
4. I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
   And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.
5. I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
   Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son.

(Annie S. Hawks & Robert Lowry)