So i haven't posted in a while. We were gone for a month to Sask & then to Victoria & now we're home & i am so glad to be home...
i guess i've been a little quiet 'cause i've been holding my breath... we're expecting another little baby. i was talking to Neil tonight about how much i hate it when the littles say "i can't help it" (like if i say "stop whining") & sometimes i wonder if God feels like that with me... He's told me not to worry, but i keep whining, 'i can't help it'. i feel like He's saying "I may or may not hit you with this baseball bat, but don't flinch..." i know, He's not like that, but i guess i'm still on a pretty steep learning curve. When i found out about babe, i felt a lot like i did with Sloanie (first baby after losing Caleb) ~ i felt like, i know there's a baby growing in there, but i'm not gonna fall in love ~ but from the first knowledge of that little one, there is love, & there is an attachment & there is a longing & a desire to protect.
I went to the doctor for the first time on Monday & i already had tears in my eyes as she took out the doppler. Neil hadn't been to the doctor with me in years, but he came to be supportive. i had visions of her searching for the heartbeat & not finding one, but the instant she turned on the machine, that little heartbeat sang out like the sweetest music. She said, "that was easy" & smiled at me. i just barely held it together till i got out of there & Neil just held me wondering why i was crying now... Oh the relief & the comfort from that little sound...
baby due january 31st or so...