Thursday, August 16, 2007

16 weeks.
i'm 16 weeks pregnant today.
i wonder what at 16 weeks made Caleb die?

i'm realizing lately that i have a skewed view of God & i'm wondering how i can get it right...
a few years ago, i had a dream that God spoke to me & said "Paige, do you know me?" & then even before i could answer, "Do you want to know me?"
i know i wrote on here before that i feel like God may or may not hit me with a baseball bat, but He's saying, "Don't flinch". There's something in seeing God like that that seems unkind, or lacking in compassion ~ both of those things i know are not true of Him.
i feel like i can either dig in where it hurts & try to know Him more ~ or i can give a pat answer & gloss over the things that don't make sense to me. My sister says maybe we're trying to humanize God too much ~ that we're trying to make *human* sense out of Someone who is so much more than human.
i feel like where i'm at now, is a continuation of that dream of a conversation with God. There's so much i don't know & don't understand about Him, but yes, yes, yes... i want to know Him.
My mom has always said, "Without truth, there can be no relationship" ~ How can i avoid seeking truth, if my goal is to have relationship?

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