By the time you read this, i'll be gone.

i'm addicted to pre-posting my posts. Sometimes it's funny to me 'cause i'll read what i've posted for that day & i'm just not feelin' it anymore.
You're reading this on Friday... i'm writing it on Wednesday. By the time you read it, i'll be in Vancouver at the homeschool convention with my family.
Not my family, as in Neil & the posse... but my *birth* family, as in my mom & dad & sisters... and Gage.
's a rare opportunity for us to get together & i'm really looking forward to it. We will each bring our littlest ones - and hopefully get some encouragement for everything that our next homeschool year will bring.
i'm planning for my next year to look a lot like my this year. i'll be schooling children in grades 2, 4, 6 and 8 - & as well, i'll have my little Kindergartener (the plan is that she'll go to public K just like the others did) & then of course sweet boy. My plans are coming together in broad strokes, i'm starting to get some of the pieces together - & for the most part, we're just going to 'keep doing what we've been doing'.
i'm in a comfortable place in my homeschool journey. Comfortable, because we've simplified, set attainable goals, and also because 8 years in, the fruit that i'm seeing from the day to day marathon of homeschooling looks promising.
So, i'm gonna enjoy the summer break with my littles. i'm gonna make them run, bike, play, get dirty and tired and happy.
& then i'm gonna welcome the school year '09/'10 & keep on keeping on.

conversations with molls... & God & Jesus.

"Momma, do i have to pray out loud?"
"No, honey - but momma likes to listen to your prayers and agree with you... It does my heart good to hear you talk to God."
"Oh. Ok, you can listen then."
(clearing throat)
"God and Jesus (this is how she addresses every prayer), Thank you for soooooo many good things, like flowers and ants. And you made bad things too, like spiders and boys - but some boys like spiders, so that's interesting. Amen."
We've come through some serious prayers in the past few days - so a little comic relief did me good.
Oh, God, reach this little girl who is so full of spunk and hilarity. Help her be *good*, Father. Give me more wisdom, more patience, more creativity as i parent this little person who seems to require so much of me.

Tiller - my response

It seems it's all i've been hearing and reading about. The late-term abortionist who was shot and killed while serving as an usher at church.
i knew i should probably have a response. This blog is unabashedly prolife... & yet...
i wasn't sure how to focus my words. So, in light of my uncertainty - i will just post my thoughts 'free-flow'.
i think dr. Tiller was a bad man. i heard him on TV saying, "What i do is not illegal, it's not unethical and it's not immoral."
He's wrong. And i think he likely knew he was wrong - he saw the tiny limbs and the broken bodies of the ones whose lives he took, but murder for profit was his bread and butter - so why not act the part of the knight in shining armour for this "vital part of women's health programs in America"(specializing in abortions after 21 weeks gestation). It's the saddest thing in the world that it's not illegal... but there can be no question that the choices that dr. Tiller made were both unethical and immoral.
i think dr. Tiller's church was neglectful and broken. Pastors have such a difficult job... people coming to them with their broken lives... looking for Jesus... Shepherding the followers of Christ and teaching truth. They can't be cowards who hide behind untruths, muddying the waters and allowing an unapologetic murderer to serve in any capacity. Jesus didn't shy away from the truth because it made people uncomfortable. Neither did John the Baptist, or Elijah... we need men and women and children who are unafraid to speak truth and to shine light on the horrible injustice of abortion. Ignoring it because it's not illegal is a cop-out. i don't wanna fight either - but truth must prevail. Slavery was also legal at one time, & Hitler's government condoned genocide.... i love that quote, "truth is not determined by a majority vote." Our governments are not infallible. Often times they make choices that are dead wrong. Abortion is one such example.
Finally, i think that the man who shot dr. Tiller was wrong. It's just not the focus of what i wanted to say... i wish that Tiller's death would soften hearts of mothers and fathers towards their children... & make our nations cry out to God for mercy. But under these circumstances, i don't think that's likely to happen.

Jesus - bless the little ones. Forgive us for our inability & unwillingness to protect them. Keep me soft... i'm tired of crying - & yet... i know it's my soft heart that want & that you will use for Your Glory.

Takes my breath away...

We were invited to one of Neil's work associates house for supper the other night. In conversation, the wife was talking about going for a walk with her husband. He's much taller than her & his strides are longer & while they walk, she does the talking & pretty soon, her breath is gone as she's trotting along, trying to keep up, while also not allowing any lag in the conversation.
Made me laugh.
i used to bug Neil to 'say something back to me!' when i would talk his ear off. He would smile & say, 'i like listening to you...' (ha!)
i had been talking to children all day & was aching for a little adult conversation & when he would walk in that door, i was like a hungry animal & i was ready to exchange some words.
Over the years, we've evened up in conversation... he's actually a pretty chatty guy. - Nothing like Lisa's James, but still... he can keep up his own end ;)
Now, our conversations are oft repeated, well travelled paths. We'll prattle on about work, children, secret goals & irritations. Sometimes we cover some new territory - sometimes one of our words sound like an alien language to the other, but we still listen.
i've learned that i need *quantity*... Not just with conversation, but with touch & company too. i need to see him lots, email him too much & be able to touch him when i roll over in bed.
i need to be able to 'let it all hang out' with him, knowing he'll sift my words & not hold the bad ones against me.
Sometimes i need to trot alongside him, letting our conversation take my breath away.

i'm gonna help you obey...

i remember once watching my sister parent her first born. He had been asked to do something - & he was dragging his little feet to do as he was told. Finally my sister took his little hand & gently but firmly told him, "momma's gonna help you obey, son." & she led him through each step of obedience.
i tucked that one in my memory banks - loving the gentleness of the discipline & yet the firm follow-through. i've used that line with my own little ones as i've tried to teach them to obey.
Today was like deja-vu.
i was in a circumstance where i find myself repeatedly lately. i had been told to do something - & i was draggin' my feet to do as i was told. Finally my Father put his fingers on my heart & gently but firmly told me, "i'm gonna help you obey, loved one." & He led me through each step of obedience. i felt my attitude shift as my focus was moved from my own selfish desires to my Father's love.
i almost wanted to laugh out loud at my own circumstance - feeling so plainly his gentle rebuke and correction. Feeling Him tell me that He wasn't gonna let me fail on this one. Feeling that i was a child again - & that someone was watching out for me - & growing me into something better than i am at present.