Tuesday, June 5, 2012

six minutes

i wish him here to grab his face and speak expressively into his ears...
It had been a crazy week... my husband called it, "an impossible week"... One of those weeks where you don't want to whine about it because people would say, "oh, just cancel out... pull your kids..." Not realizing that in our house, if we pulled our kids every time daddy was out of town and it would make for a tough go for mama, they'd never get the chance to do anything. 
So we bent and stretched for each other - we accepted the love and kindness of friends who loved my little ones for me and we made it work... as Neil says, "like we always do..."
But suddenly - on this Monday - as we start fresh and watch the appointments, laundry, grocery list, add up... i feel my mind just glaze over.  Blank. 
That's when i wish him here so strongly that i pick up my phone and laboriously type an email - all thumbs on that tiny phone keyboard...
"Ever feel like you're just done?  i feel like this weekend i was surfing and somehow, i fell off my surfboard and i'm stuck underwater and i don't know which way is up..."
Six minutes later he emails me back...
"i do get that way, yes.  Those are the days when you think i am pissed off.  It is actually 'cause i'm fried, done... It's not you."
i grin at our little kinship - i feel seen... He hears me and i love the man that never coddles.  i had this dream once of Neil and i dressed in full out warrior gear.  We were like characters off of Conan the Barbarian or something.  We each held a massive sword and our backs were to each other as we circled, prepared for an enemy attack.  That was the whole dream... just circling with Neil (in awesome clothes) back to back... i feel that way again.  Like a kind of crazed warrior... knowing that he's got my back and i'm gonna have his too. 
i feel the pounding of the surf overhead - i see a glimmer of light... the sound of the crashing waves overhead is dulled by the serenity of the water underneath the tumult.  If i swim that direction, then maybe...
Suddenly i break the surface of the water - lungs exploding, the cacophony of noise bursting in my ears and the roar of the waves crashing around me.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

You know what's kinda funny? I texted James yesterday and said 'today is an impossible day'.

Thinking of you.


Related Posts with Thumbnails