Sometimes when he holds my hand and my pale fingers get completely envelopped in his warm brown paw... everything's ok. Sometimes the aftershocks of a hard year are enough that i'll feel off balance and uncertain in a given moment... i've seen things that i've been afraid of since i was a little girl - and now that i've seen them in the flesh, i can't get the images out of my mind; they're like monsters with big scary teeth - only uglier.
It's easy to count the strikes against us...
he drinks too much,
he travels too much,
she wants too many children,
they got married too young,
they don't have enough money,
they're too different...
they'll never make it.
And yes... on paper... the strikes against us look enormous.
They're enormous and intimidating.
But then his thumb rubs the back of my hand and something deep inside me wakens. The thing inside blinks like a tiny vulnerable babe - and i realize that there's always so much more to marriage than what can be counted in enormous, intimidating strikes by an outsider. The love that wakens is tiny and vulnerable, yes... but it's also deep and strong - it's alive, precious and costly. It's ours...
And sometimes when he holds my hand - suddenly everything's ok.