i spent way too much time on the computer today. i got a link to this blog & honestly, i couldn't stop reading... A friend of mine went through a similar loss a couple of years ago & this mama's writing struck a chord for me.
i've been spending some time on a 'baby center' birth board. i've never done anything like that before & it's strange to be reading about women with whom you have nothing in common other than a due date. It's given me so many chances to share my thoughts & wonderings about motherhood ~ & i think it's been good.
These days, this little person is becoming so real to me ~ as i feel the little pokes & jabs & know that bones & muscles are getting stronger. Sometimes i just stop what i'm doing & call out, "Baby, i love you!" & all the littles stop what they're doing & say, "peek-a-boo, we love you too!" (Did i tell you they call baby peek-a-boo because when we went for the ultrasound, the little baby had hands cupped around eyes as if peeking through a window... so sweet... Peyton took one look & said, "mommy, can that baby see us too??")
Neil's been gone the last couple of days (gets back in the wee hours tonight...) & man, i miss that guy. Seems, i feel so much more peace when he's here. i don't know... is it peace? maybe completeness? i feel like lately, God has been using Neil to give me precious gifts... & it's in the quiet moments ~ when he doesn't say much, but he's there ~ or when he challenges my lazy logic ~ or when i just need a few sweet words of comfort. i'm so grateful for my husband. i overheard Neil talking with my dad when he was here & my dad said, "Neil, tell me something good that's going on." & Neil replied, "i'm really looking forward to this baby." Feels good to be looking forward together ~ & anticipating this little life that will so deeply impact our lives.