am i afraid of God?

i don't think i've ever doubted God's existance ~ or that He is Good ~ or that He will do what is right... But i don't know how to completely surrender... i'm afraid that He'll take something (someone) from me & i feel *fear*.

i want to press in & *know* God ~ & be completely surrendered to His will & yet, i must be holding back... because i'm scared. How do you let go of fear? i honestly want to...
i do understand that He does all things well & that there is eternal purpose in all that He does (& i readily acknowledge that His purposes are often hidden from me). But His purposes included Job losing all his children... & His purposes included me losing 2 of mine... & while i know that those 2 little ones are safe at Home, & one day, i'll go there too...
i'm still afraid.
God, help me...
"for God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline"...
Is it a discipline issue?
My friend said to me today, 'y'know, there is something to be said for time... It really does heal'... & maybe it's a timing thing...
i just know that i feel frustrated by my fear & what seems to me as a lack of faith.
i want to cast my burdens & take on his light yoke, but for some reason, i find i'm unable (or unwilling??)