the wee dawn

Our alarm clocks went off at the same time that morning. 
His, the gravelly, staticky musical sounds of a small radio alarm. 
Mine, a tiny prince calling to me from the confines of his bedroom. 
He reached over to end the drone of white noise guised as music - and i - roused myself from our bed as that clear baby voice called me again and again by my most familiar name... "Mama!"
When i came back, treasure in arms, he was already in the shower - so baby and i slipped for a moment under blankets to find the comfort he kept asking for. 
A breath, a moment - a sweet beginning as the hot water steamed up the bathroom, and the traffic began to pick up outside. 
Morning rages -
afternoon flies on wings -
evening passes like a storm in July. 
Our work calls to us - one wobbly note at a time. 

he misses me, gotta kisses me

i grab my phone & quickly check my emails before getting out of the van.  Neil is coming home this day & i want confirmation that he boarded that plane.   
The one from him catches my eye & i smile as i read it, attracting the attention of the small fry. 
"What is it, mom!!??  What does it say??"
"It's an email from daddy - it says that he misses me a lot this trip."
Cairo raises her eyebrows at me, "Are you sure you're not just re-reading an email that you sent him?"



me & sunshine boy sat on the front step in our underwear to wait for daddy.  Well... sunshine boy was in his underwear.  i'm pretty sure i was wearing pants.



hungry love

Divorce makes me sad. 
It just does. 
Neil & i had a conversation about divorce not too long ago & i asked him - why he thought divorce was so prevalent.  He said he figured it's because some people will never be happy with anything...
Maybe he's right. 
i suppose there are big reasons people choose divorce too - reasons that our culture or religion condone. 
But i wonder... if a more common reason for divorce... is neglect?  Outright starvation? 
i remember after i had Ephraim, being so hungry i thought i would never be full again.  Neil made me tea and toast - and i licked up every crumb...
Could it be that we leave our love hungry?
& there it sits... pushed aside.  Barely heard as it withers and fades.
& of course - i have never been in anyone else's shoes.  i don't know what heartbreaking moments brought them to that final decision to end a union...
i'm just saying that i'm conscious of the hunger that happens between a man and his bride - a hunger for love, respect and acceptance.  We hunger for approval, loyalty and camaraderie; for humour, company and fidelity.  We're starving for interest, affection, attention and affirmation. 
i never wanna be so busy shoveling food into my own bloated belly - that i allow our marriage to starve.

video of me singing

i picked up my phone realized that Gage took about a hundred videos of me singing today. i'm posting one for your pleasure. Yes. They're all that long :) HAHA.
Enjoy!

just the little ones



just me & the little boys in the mornings this week - with daddy away for work & the 5 bigs at DVBS... Such sweet little monkeys.

On the last day, we walked to meet the bigs on their way home.  As soon as they caught sight of us, my teeny flock let out shrieks of joy & ran the length of the block to greet us.  They told me about a poor woman's unfortunate wardrobe choice.  She was wearing a light coloured pair of shorts and they were hard to see.  One of my children said to the other, "Whoops, for a minute there, i thought she wasn't wearing any pants!"

At that very moment, my son ran up behind them, stopped short and said, "Cairo.  Is that man naked?"

Poor woman.