to the teens in my life...

What a strange world we've given you to grow up in.
i remember once as a young girl, hearing a song of teen angst sung on the radio by a teen wonder.  i was transfixed - hearing the whole quivering mess of childhood pain sung by a girl who was close to my age. But i remember my mom, who was with me at the time murmuring, "That's totally unfair to put her on the air in all her vulnerability like that..."
And while i think that art and poetry and music created and performed by young people can be heart breakingly beautiful - and necessary -  (i really, really love Cai's blog...) - as a mama of teens myself now, i understand my mom's protective intuition for the girl whose pain was broadcast for our entertainment.
Now - you're facing a world that is almost unrecognizable from the one i grew up in 20 years ago. i've seen you post status updates on facebook that are full of profanity, sexual innuendo or depression. i've seen pictures on instagram from little girls who have the bodies of women... pictures of them weeping, half clothed, half broken, half searching... "See, world? This is how i feel..."
And my heart breaks for you...
Cai told me that a lot of teens weed out any adults that might be following their feeds on social media because they're looking for an audience of contemporaries that won't question them about their online jokes about homosexuality or pedophilia - new edgy words to them, not carrying the gravity that they should... and they will... when they're ancient like me.
Sloanie and i were talking the other day and she laughingly told me that when she was little, she was scared of Aladdin - but she was too shy to tell me. She glanced at me with a gleam in her eye and a wry smile on her face, "Is it fun learning everything about me that i was too quiet to tell you then?" (She was a very quiet little girl - with serious big blue eyes - just taking in the world...)
And i have to admit that it is. It's so fun being a mama to teens and hearing them begin slowly... to voice their opinions, to voice their experiences as they begin to process their childhoods in the safety of a conversation with their mama. i told Sloan that i seriously think we process our childhoods for the rest of our lives. i'm sure still processing mine... This is normal, natural - and probably a little embarrassing at times as we work out our faith, find our maturity and hopefully grow to become better people...
So, teens, i know - we've made you a little vulnerable with all these available opportunities to exploit your own selves on the internet... i'm sorry for that... But it's also given you a unique opportunity to be a beacon of hope to the other teens around you. Have the courage to abstain from jokes about things that aren't funny. People will notice - even if you think they don't. i remember Cai being shocked after working at Dairy Queen for several months, when someone pointed out that she was the only person at work that they had never heard swear... They noticed she was consistenly different. Be different. You're not being a stick in the mud - you're being a life preserver in a culture that's drowning...
Need some hints?
Premarital sex isn't funny. Drunken vomiting messes? They aren't funny either. Predators - pedophiles, stalkers, rapists and profanity... nope. Leaving a footprint on the internet that leaves you feeling shame - or hurts others who you may or may not know today who will enter your lives in the following years and will see the weedy seeds you're sowing now? That's not cool. You'll regret it.
Step back, don't press "enter", ignore, delete offensive comments from others on your wall, send private messages to your Christian friends - edifying them and encouraging them... persevering and leading the way. 'Friend' your parents, your aunties and uncles, the adults in your life who are most likely to keep you accountable and who will watch your feed because they love you. Imagine your sweet little brother, your precious niece, your cousins, your grandmother - reading your feed... be humble and respectful. You can do it.  i've seen teens doing it... defying the trend to descend to the lowest common denominator and instead choosing better, leading by example and gently, consistently  expressing what bits of truth they're learning...
You're a teen - not a little child... you're close enough to adulthood to be able act like one... even when you feel like you're swimming upstream and you'd give anything to be able to just fit in and go with the flow... trust me - even now i know what that feels like.
And i know - each of you teens that i know could point to a half dozen adults who blatantly ignore the advice i've doled out above. These 'adults' are posting half naked pictures and bashing their spouse online, they're swearing and bragging about their daily alcohol intake in an attempt to appear relevant... and you're watching and wondering if that's just how it is...
It doesn't have to be.
Choose better.