i'll be 25 weeks tomorrow.
i really really feel some days like i truly *can't* wait.
i remember my first pregnancy with little Cai & how oblivious i was ~ how i felt sort of invincible & i wish so much that i could go back there. The bonus for being here though is *gratitude* & i am feeling great ~ & i do really love being 'with child' ~ but that feeling of invincibility is gone. i feel powerless ~ & daily i have to put this little one's life in the Father's hands... & sometimes i feel so vulnerable. This baby is so sweet ~ but some days, all the little kicks & jabs that go on for hours on end will cease completely & babe will siesta for 48 hours & drive mama nuts.
i do feel "placed" here. & like i need these days to grow this baby ~ to grow my faith ~ to surrender my desire to be in control of life & death ~ to be broken ~ to anticipate life.
Neil has this funny thing about inductions. He thinks they're horrible & that babies should come when they're ready. i think he's funny to have a preference when he's the daddy & he's not carrying little one ~ but there's a part of me that thinks he's right... That each one of these days spent waiting & being faithful to the task at hand ~ was ordained by the Father's hand & He sees what He's creating & each day has purpose & holds lessons to be learned...
Father, help me be faithful as my body holds this little life. Give me what i need to grow this little one & to become the woman you want me to be.
Blessed be Your name ~ in the land that is plentiful ~