a post of truth

* i lost my breath i was working so hard today.
* what i swept up off the floor could have filled 4 of Neil's shoes... & he has big feet. i didn't try it - but i should sometime...
* i hated my computer.
* i loved my computer.
* i have no idea what i ate.
* i baked samosas. When i ran out of samosa filling, i switched to spanikopita, when i ran out of spanikopita filling, i switched to apples & cinnamon... it lasted till the pastry was gone... if it wouldn't have, i would have thrown away the last of the pastry.
* i made a horribly overcooked supper in the slowcooker.
* i didn't eat it.
* my kids didn't complain - i don't know if that makes me feel good ('cause they're so sweet & easy going) or bad (they're used to it...)
* me & sloanie made lasagne for tomorrow.
* Gagey made a work of art that he thought we would be proud of.
* my favourite chair has pen all over it.
* today was only too full because of the orientation for the online science that Peyton & Cairo are taking. Funny how adding one little thing to the mix can change everything...
* i miss neil.

Children,

i finished _Say You're One Of Them_ by Uwem Akpan today.
Maybe i should have saved it for when daddy wouldn't be gone for the week...
'cause i sure miss him now - his comforting wide back lying beside me in bed as he slumbers - his measured breaths making it rise & fall in a slow rhythmical state. His peaceful presence always reminds me of what is right with the world.
It's late - past our usual early bedtime when he's home... but my muscles are tense, my mind is full & my heart is sorrowful.

This book made me sad.

& it turned my thoughts to each of you. Safe. Protected. Loved.
Little ones, may it always be so.... slavery, murder, hatred & betrayal - things that you never get to experience...
but if not... if this world brings to our country... to our city... to our home - disasters that would change our way of life & rob us of the freedoms we enjoy...
cling to your Father - & remember what you know to be true.
Be rooted in your faith & in the knowledge of His love & goodness to you.
He is all that is Good.
love, mama

i heard your voice today...

& it said something goofy & sarcastic that i've heard you say a hundred times before... but... probably isn't suitable blog material.
i had been missing you - & i'm tired & achy for whatever reason...
& all of a sudden - there you were - with that smirk in your tone, muttering one of your familiar catch phrases.
it made me laugh - to think - that after all these years - even the thought of you is enough to keep me company.
i love your irreverent, honest humour.
& the wry smile that accompanies it.

a plan

i have a new tiny niece.
She has the sweetest little nose that just matches her older sisters...
She's 2 days old...
a ravenously hungry newborn...
& i wanna meet her so. so. bad.
Neil left today for a work trip & my plan was to head out on Sunday after church & make the 4 hour trip to my sisters farm house to smell that sweet little newborn & to laugh & cry with my sister in joy & relief over her little ones arrival...
When i peeked into Cai's room this morning, her red rimmed eyes greeted me & my heart sank a little...
"mom, i feel wretched..."
"Are you SURE?? Maybe you're not sure... maybe you just need a few minutes to wake up..."
"No, mom i'm so sick... i can't breathe & my throat is aching...."
"Really? Let's just wait a bit. i bet you just need breakfast..."
Finally, in defeat, i realized that we're not going anywhere just yet.
So, tiny niece - we won't come & bring our germs to your happy, boisterous house. We'll wait it out for the week our daddy is gone...
But then, we're gonna come & invade like a band of wanderers. We'll bring food & little presents - warm snuggles & laughter & even tears... we'll bring your welcome when we come...
next week.
Welcome to the world, baby eva - the 18th of our nieces & nephews...
a much anticipated addition to our beautiful family tree.

halfsies

Earlier this month i took these pics of my two little 'half' boys - E being a half a year old & Gagey reaching the 2 & a half mark. i'm so excited to watch them grow together & celebrate many birthdays & halfsies with their best friend.