the third trimester

Sometimes, baby...
i feel like awaying with you...
Somewhere dark & warm & safe.
i feel all the outward parts of myself, closing in...
thinking, planning, hoping...
Are mama's, too - in a womb-like state?
Is my perceived weakness - i'm heavy with anticipation, slow & now cumbersome, awkward & quiet...
Are these really my days of preparation?
Am i exercising the required muscles for my journey as your mama?
i found myself today...
dwelling on *you*, little one.
One who will grow up - as a peanut with 6 older brothers and sisters...
i asked God to show me all that is unique & amazing about you.
To help me to *see you* in all the wonder that He created...
To allow me, as your mama, to protect, challenge & nurture you.
i asked Him to faithfully remind me - of your marvelous perplexity...
& to allow my heart to grow - yet again.
Oh, sweet one... the pregnancies that have gone before you have taken none of the fascination from yours - instead, they have sweetened my yearning, awakened me to this leap of faith that your little life has required, and prepared me for this o-so-important-task of being your mama.
i am most certainly a different mama than the one who delivered little Cairo all those years ago. God had important work to do in me, in daddy & in this family - to prepare us to welcome you.
& darling one, i have no doubt that He has important work to do in you too - to draw you to Himself & to make known His plans - as we sojourn along these dusty paths...
And so, in this third trimester - as you grow & get some chubbins on your little arms and legs, as your lungs get ready to breathe real air & as you prepare to make your grande entrance...
i know...
i can't away with you to a safe place...
i've got work to do too - to prepare my lungs to breathe the *heavenly air* - & i know that there is no shirking.
So, i will prepare my heart too...
& enjoy these waiting days as God continues to shape me into the woman He wants me to be.

Boys anyone?

"Hey, mom...
If i *had* to fight another kid my age... who do you think would win?"
-Charter, age 7

So... are they born with that?

MLA Challenge

i suck at writing letters - especially on the fly.
Who cares?
On Thursday morning with a bunch of jammied children clamouring for my attention, i went to my MLA's website & wrote him this:

Mr. Johnson -i'm a stay at home mama in the XXX area & i'm writing to you today with an idea. It's not a new one, in fact, i've been told that the majority of Albertans agree with me that not all abortions in our province should be funded by our tax dollars. My husband works really, really hard to support his little crew (me & our 6, soon to be 7 children) & abortion is something that we are morally opposed to. It makes us sick to know that our tax dollars are going to fund a procedure that ends the lives of our most vulnerable citizens.
Even if we could put some restrictions on abortion, as almost 40% of abortions in our province are repeat procedures (according to 2004 statistics) & are medically unnecessary - yet completely free & tax funded.
We live in a disposable society - & right now, it's life that we have deemed disposable. There are options that are so much better than abortion - homes & families that would take in any little life, ultrasound technology used to show parents what they're throwing away & counselling to avoid the grief & sorrow after the fact.
You're in a position to make a difference. i just wanted to take a minute on this busy morning, while my little ones are snuggled up next to me & drop you a line to encourage you to do so.
-paige

So, will my Canadian friends join me???? Write your own letter to your MLA & leave a comment in my comments section that you did so. (Feel free to copy from mine if you would like - hopefully my sister Stephanie, a gifted letter writer, will write one & you can all copy hers!)

Don't worry about perfection, just DO it :) i got some stats from the alberta prolife website. While i was there, i noticed a lot of good information on the vaccines that use aborted fetal tissue in Alberta. Check it out here.

Him Again...

If you're tired of posts about Neil... you may wanna just unsub from my blog...
He's on my mind lately.
'Cause, how does he know to just shut up & hold me?
i tend to be wordy.
'cept when all my words turn into pictures & flashes of light & unintelligible *feelings*.
Sometimes i don't have any words.
Nothing's wrong...
He phoned me. i was quiet. He said the only words that could possibly meet me wherever it was that i had found myself.
"When i get home, i'm gonna hold you."
& that's just what he did.

Sitting in Church

i was sitting in church.
He was sitting beside me.
He reached over & put his arm around me.
My heart thumped.
He grabbed my chair - me still sitting cross legged on it & pulled it closer so that we were touching.
i kept listening... barely.
i heard the pastor say something about how it's the little decisions made over the course of a marriage that keep it together...
& something in my heart had to agree.
Today, it was maybe a 2 inch space closed in... that made me feel -
Loved.