it happened

it finally happened-
after all these years of homeschooling,
maybe in my heart i thought for some reason we were immune.
Neil said it was bound to happen.
But, if i'm honest, i will whisper that i had hoped it wouldn't.

One of our littles asked if they could go to public school.

So, that's what's on my mind today.
i always promised myself that if one of them asked, that i would at least consider their request - & i feel like it wouldn't be right to just say no without getting input from Neil - & asking my Father to help us make the best decisions that we can for this little person.
& so, i'll do that.

one of *those* babies

oh, baby yum...
you're gonna be one of those babies, aren't you?
One of those babies from the mythical land of happy babies -
who sleeps when mama needs rest,
who smile crazily at a gentle breeze,
who burp mightily without prompting.
Don't you hear those rumours in babyland about the squeaky wheel getting the grease?
Aren't you worried about missing out on Your Fair Share?
Don't your little discomforts merit the occasional squeak and squawk?
But Yum,
you are teaching mama a valuable lesson...
Maybe you won't remember being such a happy little baby when you grow up - but i will remember my happy little son - & the way that you challenged me to be a joyful contented mama.

Canada at the G8

i received an email from my sister this morning & it was her letter to our representatives in government regarding Canada's exclusion of abortion in it's G8 health-care initiatives for maternal care in developing countries. Her letter inspired me to write my own. Here it is in it's hastily written state. Perfect wording, grammar and spelling don't matter - having our voices heard does. Letter writing isn't my strength - especially on the fly - but MP's need to hear our voice when they're treading into dangerous waters and they need to feel our support when they're making good choices too.


Mr. Kenney,
i have written to you before on the topic of abortion in Canada & i wanted to take the time on this busy morning to write you again and say, thank you. i am one of many, many Canadians who you may or may not hear from, who are very grateful to the present government for not including abortion in the G8 maternal health-care initiatives for developing countries.
Our country has for so long been one of the ones leading the way in funding and providing abortions for it’s citizens – that for once, to be the country that has chosen to exclude that option when so many assumed it would be included for a worldwide program feels like a huge relief.
Our children, in Canada, and across this world, are our most precious resource. We need to protect them with initiatives to provide food and clean water.
Abortion itself is the disease – not children.
We will continue to pray for you & this government as you make decisions that affect us all.
paige beselt, McKenzie Towne

food

i was accompanying Cai's fiddle jam -
Yeh, i had a billion excuses to *not* do it...
i have a tiny squishy baby, a broken kneecap and i didn't have music.
But...
i wanted to do it.
i'll tell you a secret.
These past weeks that i have been working on the homeschooling side of mamahood - i have been secretly gazing with longing at my ebony friend. My piano invites me to come play. Sometimes i push all my work aside & sit on the bench & play & sing... for a minute or two - seems rarely a full song even - & then i sigh & stand up & get on with my day.
& as i was talking to God one day, i told Him a secret....
"Father? i wish i *had* to make music... i wish sometimes that it was my JOB to play and sing. i wish that it wasn't something that i found time for when i could - but instead, i wish it was something on my "to do" list that couldn't be pushed aside for more "important" jobs."
& He heard me...
"Here." He said.
i should have been more specific about style and genre :) but beggars can't be choosers, so i said yes to the fiddle jam last Sunday - and yes to accompanying Cairo for her classical piece at her violin recital that's coming up in June.
Neil drove us there & dropped me, cai, sloanie and ephraim at the college & took the rest of the small fry (plus 2 friends) to the park. (Have i mentioned that 12 passenger vans rock??)
i was so nervous for Sloanie, babysitting my tiny fresh bun. i was going to be right there, but i was anxious about him needing me while my arms were occupied.
i made Neil buy him a soother.
Just in case.
& right before the jam started, i sat in the hallway & gave him a snack - hoping it would hold him over till we were done. It's a crowded little hallway - with metal lockers - & i can't bend my leg, so i took up too much space. i was trying to crouch in the corner & i had him all covered up with just his tiny baby legs kicking into view.
A father and son walked around the corner & without skipping a beat, the dad remarked jovially to his teenage son, "Hey son, does that bring back memories of being breastfed when you were a baby?" & they just kept walking.
& i loved it.
One person's ease with my little person's nourishing lunch acknowledged that what i was doing was perfectly ordinary. There was no flustered awkwardness that he had walked in on something shameful or embarrassing... just a cheerful recognition of a sweet little part of life.
Ephraim finished off his snack, made a powerful burp - & proceeded to be the angel baby that he always is for the entire 2 hour jam.
i rocked out to tunes like Bonaparte's Retreat, Ashokan Farewell and Tam Lyn.
& we both left that college a little bit...
fed.

the language of love...

He hugged me - almost crushed me -
& i looked up at him & whispered...
"i need words..."
He burst out laughing... "Words? My favourite!"
They're not his favourite. But, he stumblingly put together some sentences - & i realized that i should have just taken what he gave me in the first place.
Words are secondary - when he already gave me his heart...