Career Day...

Every once in awhile, i get this horrible, squeezing panic rise in my throat at the thought of my children being prepared for post secondary - or even more so for future careers.
Neil, thankfully, is there to assuage my fears & remind me that our children are intelligent, capable & resourceful and they will all find their niche in the world when the time comes.
Even so, as my big girl enters grade 9 this fall - her future has been coming to mind more often.
"So, Cai," i asked the other day, "You sure you don't want to go to school? Y'know, just to make it easier with transcripts for college or university entry?"
"Nope. You tryin' to get rid of me?" She grins - & looks totally confident that i've got what it takes to make sure that the prerequisites are in place and that she will be more than adequately prepared for her career of choice, midwifery.
"i sure hope they get the courses you need at Mount Royal before you graduate..."
i can't imagine sending her off somewhere far away to complete her studies...
"Or maybe you'll change your mind in the next 3 years & want to do something different..."
She looks at me, chin lowered, eyebrows raised, "i doubt it."
Funny that she's more confident than i am, or ever was.
The next day, Sloanie and i were snuggling on the couch.
"Sloanie, what do you want to do after you graduate high school?"
"Mom, is it ok if i don't want to go to college?"
"Yeah, that's totally fine - but you'll want to be prepared in case you change your mind & decide to go at the last minute... or later on."
"Yeah. Maybe i could take a computers course or something & then that would help me no matter what i decide to do..."
"That's a great idea!"
Cai, hearing us talk about options pipes up, "Yeah, i need a computers course for midwifery too - just a basic one..."
"i think i already know a lot about computers though..." Sloan comments.
"Sloan," Cairo giggles, "Poptropica doesn't count."
"What about Neopets? Email?"
i know - i've got time, we've got time, they've got time. They're still so wee, these little wisps of womanhood - & yet if the last 13 years are any indication, when i next blink, they'll be packing their bags & claiming the vast, wide world as their own. i wanna have an open, running dialogue with them now, so i can facilitate their transition. i want to research their options with them, challenge their assumptions about themselves & their abilities, support their decisions & dream with them.
Just then Peyton traipsed upstairs, "Hey, P," i called.
She turned to me & i noticed how skinny her arms have gotten as she is starting to stretch up, up, up... (her too?)
"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"
She shrugs her bony shoulders, "i dunno. Nothin'."
She grins & skips away... & i'm left grinning too... she still has 3 more months till she hits "double digits".
It's spring - the time that most homeschooling mama's evaluate their year, think about the next one and plan accordingly.
i have a lot of these years left to go... these conversations will be here when we pick them up again, but for now, we'll put them on the back burner & let them simmer away.
Their fragrance might just awaken something beautiful.

i spy...

what'm i grieving anyway?

i find myself vacillating wildly between feeling like my broken leg is no big deal - & feeling like it has completely rocked my world.
Today, i'll admit a small piece of what i have been grieving...
i was on the phone with my sister the other night, & i confessed to her - this thing - this small detail that has been picking at me since i ended up on crutches with my wee son only 5 weeks old. Speaking it aloud made me realise that this small thing - this tiny bit of life missed - matters to me. It's something that has affected the way i thought i would mother my little one, and is worthy of - just the smallest bit of - grief.
i have always loved this phase of motherhood - after delivery, feeling like you're getting your legs back under you, getting your household running in it's new manner with it's new occupant. i have always loved feeling stronger and lighter postpartum, better able to meet the needs of my other little ones and my husband.
And,
i have always loved snuggling my little baby in a wrap or a sling - and in the midst of cooking, cleaning, schooling, parenting - looking down on my little love, snuggled close to my heart & planting a kiss on a precious downy head as my workday continues.
i had a brand new sling this time & it was Ephraim's second home up until my fall - which rendered babywearing practically impossible.
In a small voice, i confessed to my sister that although i felt like i was probably holding Ephraim even *more* than i would have, had i been mobile - i hate not being able to carry him up the stairs when he gets dreamy eyed... i hate that i can't carry him across the room, into the back yard. i hate that i can't get to him very fast when he starts to cry - & instead, i have to ask someone to get him for me... & i'm sad that his new sling sits, unused, while i wait out these long weeks for my bone to heal.
So there it is - my confession sits like a small sigh...
i'm snuggling my fresh wisp of light and life even while i type this post - & i find that in my regret, there is still room for gratitude.
As a mama of 7 - i shouldn't have as much time sitting on a couch, cooing and gazing at my sweet one as i have had. Our eyes have been locked much of the day - & his dimply smiles sustain my impatient heart as i convalesce on the couch.
i hear the petulant voice in my head, "But *i* want..."
& i know it doesn't matter what i want - *this* is where i am -
& as i shush my selfishness - i realise that this spot - with all it's limitations, pain and inability - is a beautiful place to be.
Big deal, or not - i'm going to enjoy the scenery of my new surroundings - finding every little bit of good -
& not being afraid to admit that there are a few things...
i am missing.

he thought it would be a good idea...

He stole Charter's rollerblades out of the closet & thought it would be a good idea to put them on, & demand to be taken to the "part" (park). Sloanie, being the most susceptible to his cuteness was his primary target....

He didn't think it would be so hard to stay upright...

Or that Mollen's princess helmet would look so darn good on him...

He was horribly disappointed when mama said he can't go anywhere without pants on...

i told Charter to hide his rollerblades better next time... i'm not ready for this boy to be on wheels.

i know, we're long overdue for this...

So, while we have to sit around anyway - might as well have Gagey sit around on one 'o these...

i know, it seems crazy, but all my other little ones potty trained before they turned 2!

So, you've gotta be ready sometime, right buddy??

Here's hoping!