ch-ch-ch-changes...

In an effort to make room for baby, we have kicked Charter out of his room.
i know, sounds mean...
But with his sleep disturbances, it's impossible for him to share a room, so we moved his bed into the rec room downstairs.. Yeh... i know what you're thinking... & yes, there are some downfalls to having a little boy sleep in a common area - but so far, the benefits seem to outweigh any of the difficulties. (& his bed is up high, so i don't mid if he leaves it in a heap like it is in this pic...
His "room" is the area under his bed... & it's not totally organized yet, but it's coming. So far, he really seems to love his little space... & the fact that he can now spy on his big sisters. (P&S's room is the door on the left of the pic).

Neil knocked a hole in the wall so that the pvr & dvd players didn't need a shelf sticking out. i love our little "growth tree" beside.

& la piece de resistance...
a portrait of neil & i - done by molls... i think she got his shoulders down perfect, don't you?

i'm... lonesome.

But if i invite anyone over to my house, it will be mayhem & i will be embarrassed.
Not sure what's worse.
i need to better wrap my head around discipline & rules for when we have company... & how to be comfortable with what usually escalates into *crazy hyper-ness* at my house the minute company walks in the door - & yet not let my little ones - by sheer pressure of their numbers - create havoc.
i often feel like i have a litter of excited little puppies jumping up at me the minute the doorbell rings :)
Any mommas feelin' me?
i sometimes wish for the days when bigger families were more common & we could see how other mamas did it... what was normal... what worked & what didn't... Sometimes i feel like i'm blazing a new trail of normal & i find there is so much trial & error.
i love this sweet little bit of chaos though & i'll continue to do the very best that i can... & pray that *sometimes* there will be a little peace in the midst of the whirlwind.

an email exchange...

From Cairo to Mom:
Dad likes Taylor Swift.

From Mom to Cairo:
Ewwwwwww, how do you know?

From Cairo to Mom:
When she came on the radio on the way home from Bow Valley's he said, "Taylor Swift... my favourite."

From Mom to Cairo:
He was teasing you. She is a hack.

From Cairo to Mom:
i think he was serious.

i don't matter...

It was one of those funny, slip of the tongue things that little kids say... A mix of, "i don't care" and, "it doesn't matter" - would come out of Peyton's sweet pink mouth as, "i don't matter!"
Her casual manner in making the remark would always strike at my heart...
& i would have to turn to her and say, "o, peyts! You DO matter!" But, my correction was lost on her as she'd skip away, oblivious to her mistake.
Even now, i see her anxious to make peace - like her third born mama before her. Her grasp of the english language is much stronger now than it was when she used to make this little statement... but it seems that sometimes i could still hear those words coming out of those perfect little lips...
You *do* matter, Peyton.
You do.
But your willingness to lay down your rights for the comfort of someone else is a beautiful trait that your Father will be able to use for *good* your whole life long...
i love you, little sparkling eyed one.

Still small voice...

i was thinking today about how terrified i am of being a dripping faucet...
& wondering why the idea of "speaking out" is so tied for me with being annoying, or pestering?
The idea washed over me like the sun coming out from behind a cloud...
i don't wanna be making so much noise that i can't hear Him.
Sometimes when i hear others speak passionately, or when i read their words written, i wonder, "do i sound like that?"
Is there room for my Shepherd's gentle correction in my thinking?
Am i willing to be wrong - & say that i was wrong?
i don't think that God is out there throwing the balls at my head as fast as He can & i can catch as many as i can, or duck, or just plain get smacked in the face... though that's sometimes how it *feels* as a Christian - trying to do it all, be it all & choose - in all things- to do right.
i think first and foremost, i want to listen to His calling to love.
He talks about love a lot in that book of His...
& it seems that so often, in our quest to be right...
we leave out the most important ingredient... love.
God is beyond our pitiful logic... He's beyond our painful debate & He's beyond our capacity for understanding...
He wants us to love... & that will give us insight beyond what we ever dreamed ourselves capable of. If we're changed from the inside out.... then we will humbly desire to walk in obedience.... & He'll give us the next step as we come to it.
There is no longer any room for feeling a righteous indignation when someone believes differently than we do... only a a gentle examination of our hearts & a humble acknowledging that it's a journey - & each loving act of obedience is gonna get us a little closer to our destination. Like iron sharpening iron...
So, Father, give me the courage to speak out when You want me to. Give me the humility to admit when i've been wrong or blind or willfully ignorant - & to change my course... but most of all, help me to wash it all in love - so that my life becomes a reflection of You.