On fatherhood.
There's a nip in the air. It's the last day of August & it still seems too soon for there to be that familiar chill, but there it is. This Saturday, we went to the pool, in lieu of our summertime outdoor fun. Last year, we accidentally went to a special "family day" at the pool & won a prize for the largest family in attendance ~ including a $20 gift certificate for the little eatery they have in the rec center. Neil decided since it was a drizzly day & we had errands to run after swimming, that we'd stop & use our certificate to get some munchies. The kids loved it ~ all sitting at one little table, while Neil & i sat with Gage at a table to ourselves. We were done & just visiting & playing with the baby. Neil was holding Gage & just tickling him & nuzzling his nose into his chubby little neck when i noticed a teenage boy ~ maybe 15? who was walking by. He stopped dead in his tracks & turned & stared at Neil & Gage. Neil didn't notice, but i couldn't help it as he was standing maybe 6 feet from us. i saw a look on his face that i can only describe as *hungry*. Eventually, he pulled himself away & sat at the farthest table from us ~ but still keeping his eyes on Father & Son.
Maybe it was my imagination.
Maybe i read something into the situation that wasn't there...
But it seemed to me in that moment that that big boy with messy red hair, dressed all in black ~ thought my sweet little cherub baby boy was lucky.
& he is.
i want to pray for fathers ~ that their hearts would be softened towards their children. God, give them eyes to see, ears to hear ~ & hearts that love.
My mom once said to me something to the effect that we need to be praying for the daddies as they're the ones who are "interfacing with the world on our behalf". i think this is so true ~ especially as i get to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom ~ & Neil's the one who gets teased about his big family & who has to worry about the fact that if we ever have another one, we'll have to buy a bigger vehicle, & where do all the dollars & cents go at the end of the month? Maybe all that 'interfacing' is too much for some men & that's why fatherlessness is one of the biggest challenges facing children today.
i am so grateful for my good man.

My mother in law is so cool.
This last time we were there visiting them, she said to me, 'turning 50 has been good for me'. Since she turned 50, she's let go of some of the expectations that others may have on her (or she may have on herself) & has learned to embrace some of the things that make her unique, rather than apologizing for them.
y'know how when your kids make something with play dough, they'll make a shape & then if they leave it, it dries in that shape & 'sets'. Sometimes i worry that if those silly specialists don't phone me soon about Gage's metatarsus adductus, that his little foot will 'set' & be so much harder to fix... Lots of days, i get out of the shower & before i know it, my hair has dried in some stooooopid way & it's 'set' like that for the rest of the day... (catching my drift here??)
i love that God has given me several older women to watch & learn from who have refused to be 'set'. They've remained teachable ~ even while taking on the responsibility of teaching. They've somehow been able to remain soft & malleable even though they've got so much wisdom & experience upon which so many would be willing to sit down, heave a sigh of relief & claim to have 'arrived'.
i'm thankful for my mother in law today.

There is something so powerful about watching someone you love, love your children.

i got home yesterday at 3am from my sisters house in Hinton.

She has 7 children & like us, is pretty far from extended family. It felt so good to hold her children & watch her hold mine. We laughed as we compared strengths, weaknesses, personalities & physical similarities... The littles couldn't get enough of each other & the night hawks visited way too late.

i think i am one of the luckiest people in the world because of the sisters God gave me. People think it must be mayhem when we all get together because of the mass of children, & yes, at times it's busy ~ but as they've gotten older & the bigger ones help with the little ones, sometimes the adults feel like gleeful spectators watching a beautiful work of art unfold in front of our eyes. When i get home from a visit with my sisters, i feel like i just ate one of my mom's famous sunday afternoon roast beef dinners.

mmmm... full....

So, little Gage is still "ebf" (exclusively breastfed) & yet, he's cutting his 4th tooth & is very interested in food, so mealtimes are getting interesting with him grunting & reaching for everything & gnawing on everything in an effort to relieve his teething. i gave him a huge carrot to rub his teeth on, but he quickly got sick of it, & so in desperation tonight to get a few bites, i gave him a pickle. HE LOVED IT... but he was also very very tired. Soon he was nursing on the pickle and drifting off to sleep... Neil captured it on video, so here 'tis. (post script: The pickle was whole when i pulled it out of his mouth, just a little less round... no, he wasn't a happy boy when i took it out of his mouth...)

peace be still ~ twila paris

There is an ocean surrounding me
Mostly the water is calm
Just enough breeze to keep me sailing
I feel safe and warm
Angry winds blow suddenly
And i become a churning sea
Then i hear the Master's voice--
he says to me

Chorus
Peace be still,
Peace be still
Peace be still and the wind and the waves
Peace be still,
Peace be still
Peace be still and the ocean obeys

There is an ocean inside of me
Mostly the water is calm
Just enough breeze to keep me sailing
I feel safe and warm
Angry winds blow suddenly
I become a churning sea
Then I hear a quiet voice--
He says to me

Repeat Chorus

Angry winds blow suddenly
I become a churning sea
Then I hear a quiet voice--
He says to me

Repeat Chorus