2 quotes from The Kite Runner:
Sometimes, Soraya sleeping next to me, I lay in bed and listened to the screen door swinging open and shut with the breeze, to the crickets chirping in the yard. And I could almost feel the emptiness in Soraya's womb, like it was a living, breathing thing. It had seeped into our marriage, that emptiness, into our laughs, and our lovemaking. And late at night, in the darkness of our room, I'd feel it rising from Soraya and settling between us. Sleeping between us. Like a newborn child.

and:
I remembered when we used to lay forehead to forehead, sharing afterglow kisses and whispering until our eyes drifted closed, whispering about tiny, curled toes, first smiles, first words, first steps. We still did sometimes, but the whispers were about school, my new book, a giggle over someone's ridiculous dress at a party. Our lovemaking was still good, at times better than good, but some nights all I'd feel was a relief to be done with it, to be free to drift away and forget, at least for a while about the futility of what we'd just done. She never said so, but I knew sometimes Soraya felt it too. On those nights, we'd each roll to our side of the bed and let our own savior take us away. Soraya's was sleep. Mine, as always, was a book.

Now, i know that the desire for 'fruitfulness' in marriage doesn't seem to be universal among couples of childbearing age... but i thought this author captured a bit of how i feel about intimacy. Not that i *must* constantly be with-child ~ but it's that i want to hold nothing back ~ to throw all caution to the wind & trust that the Creator knows better than me... i guess choosing to impose the state of sterility on my marriage that the characters find themselves coping with in this book seems counter-intuitive to me...

One of Gage's feet is really crooked (the left one). i'm pretty sure it's this but i think i'll go get it checked out at some point. (Sorry the picture is blurry ~ like most of my pictures lately... i really need a new camera...)
When Gage stands on his feet, they both point to the right. (My father in law has nicknamed him "ten after 2" hehe. Hopefully it'll straighten out soon!!

inappropriate laughter. Something i have always struggled with. If something hurt my feelings, made me mad, shocked me... i'd laugh. & i still do.

So, here is an email i sent out to my family yesterday:

my sincere apologies to anyone i may have inadvertently offended with my issues with inappropriate laughter.
i got my dues today.
Joe (superstore) is having a 25% off sale on all their clothes. i needed a new swimsuit as i found out on Saturday that mine was completely shot in the bum (i wore it all during my pregnancy) & the bottoms no longer stay up!!!! (& we were swimming with Harv & Marion ~ Doh!!)
SO, i decided to try to find a swimsuit at Joe for 25% off. i found one i liked & went in the change room. i called Neil to come see & i opened the door & beckoned him in, but he wouldn't budge & told me to open the door farther... farther... farther... till i was standing in all my 3.5 months post partum glory in the fluorescent lights of the Superstore change room... & then the corners of his mouth started to twitch & he started giggling & then laughing (& denying he was laughing) & then ran away to "go look for something" claiming i "look great".
men.
bah.
p
p.s. i bought the swimsuit. That'll teach him.

i have amazed my friends by having a 4 bedroom house with 6 kids & having one of the rooms stay as a 'guest room'. This wasn't really the plan, it just happened that way. The 3 big girls wanted to be together, so they shared a room downstairs, & then Charter had his room upstairs & it's the only room Gage's cradle could fit into when we moved him out of our room & then Molls *couldn't* sleep all by herself, so we ended up with a spare room.

All that is changing.

Neil said that one of the big girls should move upstairs (actually, i think Cai asked if she could ~ she's almost 12 & their room downstairs is really small & crowded with the 3 of them in there). Then, there was discussion about *who* should move upstairs & how we should work out our sleeping arrangements...

So, my cute homeschooling husband said that each of the 3 girls had to write him an essay. No good copy, just an essay giving their opinions on the situation. (Please no judging the homeschool mama!! Hee hee!! We're still working on writing!!)

Their essays turned out so cute, i thought i should post them on my blog for posterity. We'll start with youngest (7) to oldest (11)

i think Cairo should go up because she would be the best with Gage. If Gage cries. And Cairo is always picking up Gage and that's why i think Cairo should go up. And i want Cairo to go up 'cause then i would be second in the bath, not third. i think Sloanie should stay because she is good at CD's and stuff (they listen to stories on cd downstairs before bed) That's why i think Sloanie should stay.

i'm sort of afraid of Cairo maybe going up 'cause then Sloan might run cold baths!! i'm also scared if Cai goes up 'cause then the lights might be on forever 'cause Sloan would want to read and i would never get my sleep.

i think i should stay down because i like listening to CD's and because me and Sloan are always so bad and having hissy fights. So that's why i think it's good for Cairo to go up so that me and Sloan will get along better and won't have hissy fights. And me and Sloan are always getting in trouble because we have hissy fights. i'm mostly the one getting in trouble, and Cairo is the one breaking it up, and i think me and Sloan should learn to break it up on our own because Cairo never gets any sleep all because of us.

Now, for the 9yo's essay:

Dear Dad,

May 2008

I think that Cairo should go upstairs because I don't want to feel guilty giving her bad nights. But, I also want everything to stay the same because me and Cairo have been together for a long time and I'd feel sad if one of us left.

I also think Peyton should sleep upstairs because she sleeps with the kids half the week anyway, and if we were alone downstairs, we might fight.

I don't want to go upstairs, but if i did I would read late and be tired in the morning.

I want everything to stay the same. We already have all our clothes downstairs. We already have a routine with baths. We're close friends. We might want to have sleepovers all the time if one of us moved upstairs. So, please consider leaving us together.

Your loving daughter,

Sloan

To: Dad

From: Cairo

May 13th 2008

pg. 1

I think that I (Cairo) should move upstairs because Sloan doesn't really want to , so it can't be her, and if Peyton moved up, she would never sleep in there, she would always be in the room with the kids or downstairs with us, and if she kept coming downstairs to sleep, we would be back to where we started. I also think that Peyton and Sloan need to learn to be nice without me forcing them (which I do alot) and if Peyton moved upstairs, I think that Sloan would just exclude her more than she does already.

Also, when you were changing the room upstairs, you said that you thought that Sloan needed to learn some responsibility like learning to keep the room clean etc...

You also said, that if I moved up, I would have to change the sheets whenever we had company, would Peyton be able to do that too?

pg.2

Well, Peyton doesn't know how to do that, and wouldn't she have to to get the room? In addition, since it is the guest room, we would have to keep it sort of clean, and now that we are older, Peyton is getting worse at that and I am getting better at it.

Well, this is why I think that I should get to move upstairs.

P.S. Here is another reason. (It is not very logical, mom thinks it is, but...) I have to use a different kind of shampoo than the girls, they can use normal stuff, but i have to use head and shoulders. So, if Peyton was upstairs, and me and Sloan were down, me and Sloan would have to keep both shampoos, and Peyton would have to share with you and mom.

I would be a little bit sad leaving the girls though.

That's about it!

Lori-Dawn!! You left something at my house!