Peyton with her new homemade dollie.Carrying a sweet sleeping boy while trying to get supper on the table.
Cutest picture ever.
Ever.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
i changed my profile comments ~
hehe..
Somehow i felt that i couldn't just post about *life* ~
Now, i gave myself that little freedom.
Neil & i had a neat conversation about prayer. It seems funny ~ that He keeps bringing me back to *prayer*. i think He wants my first instinct to be seeing prayer as a way to get intimate & build relationship.
Neil said, "yeah... but when i talk to my dad, he talks back..."
hmmmmm...
& yes, God does too...but...
but ~ i've had seasons where He's been silent. i remember really clearly, that He felt almost palpable while i carried Hope ~ & yet, after baby was delivered ~ it felt like He was silent.
Anyway, my mom addressed a bit of this in an email & she's always got such good stuff to say.
I believe that He deliberately withdraws at times….not that He isn’t there….or doesn’t care….but to allow us to practice trusting Him, and to practice living his life. If He was there moment by moment telling us each move to make and each word to say…..(well just imagine if we did that to OUR children)…would we ever grow up to be (in the words of D.Willard) “the kind of person that He could set free to do whatever WE WANT in the world?” If an eagle kept bringing food to it’s offspring and never let it learn to fly and hunt….would the offspring ever become a true eagle?
The idea that we can even have *relationship* with God ~ maybe seems so unbelievable ~ that we give up when we should try harder. We don't hear Him, so we stop listening... We can't touch, or see Him, so we conclude He isn't there. We hurt, so He must not care.
God is Good. He sees, He hears, He has compassion. So much of this relationship, must be based on *faith* & *hope* ~ (we hope for what we do not see...)
i love that verse: Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (romans 12:12)
's where i'm at today...
hehe..
Somehow i felt that i couldn't just post about *life* ~
Now, i gave myself that little freedom.
Neil & i had a neat conversation about prayer. It seems funny ~ that He keeps bringing me back to *prayer*. i think He wants my first instinct to be seeing prayer as a way to get intimate & build relationship.
Neil said, "yeah... but when i talk to my dad, he talks back..."
hmmmmm...
& yes, God does too...but...
but ~ i've had seasons where He's been silent. i remember really clearly, that He felt almost palpable while i carried Hope ~ & yet, after baby was delivered ~ it felt like He was silent.
Anyway, my mom addressed a bit of this in an email & she's always got such good stuff to say.
I believe that He deliberately withdraws at times….not that He isn’t there….or doesn’t care….but to allow us to practice trusting Him, and to practice living his life. If He was there moment by moment telling us each move to make and each word to say…..(well just imagine if we did that to OUR children)…would we ever grow up to be (in the words of D.Willard) “the kind of person that He could set free to do whatever WE WANT in the world?” If an eagle kept bringing food to it’s offspring and never let it learn to fly and hunt….would the offspring ever become a true eagle?
The idea that we can even have *relationship* with God ~ maybe seems so unbelievable ~ that we give up when we should try harder. We don't hear Him, so we stop listening... We can't touch, or see Him, so we conclude He isn't there. We hurt, so He must not care.
God is Good. He sees, He hears, He has compassion. So much of this relationship, must be based on *faith* & *hope* ~ (we hope for what we do not see...)
i love that verse: Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (romans 12:12)
's where i'm at today...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
~ Was talking to steevie about our post-baby bodies. We both have a few pounds to lose, but were both saying how *good* we felt. When i was in highschool, i probably weighed more than i do right now & i was always hating my body & feeling badly about how i looked ~ i guess that's before i realized how 'fearfully & wonderfully made' i am. hehe... Sounds braggy, but i've felt more confident with my body since i first pushed out a wee wailing princess in the fall of 1996... How could i possibly have done that? How could this body have housed one of God's creations? How could it be that colostrum and then milk both came in to feed a hungry baby. i realized my body had done something incredible.
When we lost Caleb, 4 months into my pregnancy ~ i lost faith in my body. How could it give up on the little one i wanted so badly? My belly and my breasts were empty.
i love that passage in the bible when Rachel is longing for a baby & she says to Jacob, "give me a baby or i will die." & He responds, "Am i God?" (Gen. 30)
i guess i'm not God.
& i'm glad i'm not God.
He gave.
He took.
Blessed be His name.
When i found myself counting down 'days till baby' again ~ & again ~ & again ~& again over the years that followed ~ my confidence grew. i laughed at the girl i was when i threw up my hands in despair the first time that 2 little ones needed me at the same time. i learned that i could do more than i ever thought i could do with the body i despaired of in highschool. i did laundry, cooked & cleaned ~ i nursed sick ones, when i was so sick i'd have loved to have been nursed... i sang, & played music, read stories, kissed cuts & put lotion on sunburns. i taught them things like reading, writing, baking & 'never leave a sibling crying on the street'. i carried them on my back, pulled them in wagons & pushed them away on bikes with no training wheels...
i'm so grateful for this body ~ despite it's flaws & shortcomings...
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me togehter in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of
of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139: 13-16
When we lost Caleb, 4 months into my pregnancy ~ i lost faith in my body. How could it give up on the little one i wanted so badly? My belly and my breasts were empty.
i love that passage in the bible when Rachel is longing for a baby & she says to Jacob, "give me a baby or i will die." & He responds, "Am i God?" (Gen. 30)
i guess i'm not God.
& i'm glad i'm not God.
He gave.
He took.
Blessed be His name.
When i found myself counting down 'days till baby' again ~ & again ~ & again ~& again over the years that followed ~ my confidence grew. i laughed at the girl i was when i threw up my hands in despair the first time that 2 little ones needed me at the same time. i learned that i could do more than i ever thought i could do with the body i despaired of in highschool. i did laundry, cooked & cleaned ~ i nursed sick ones, when i was so sick i'd have loved to have been nursed... i sang, & played music, read stories, kissed cuts & put lotion on sunburns. i taught them things like reading, writing, baking & 'never leave a sibling crying on the street'. i carried them on my back, pulled them in wagons & pushed them away on bikes with no training wheels...
i'm so grateful for this body ~ despite it's flaws & shortcomings...
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me togehter in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of
of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139: 13-16
Monday, April 14, 2008
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