You're gonna love me...

Neil & i watched (most of ~ we tuned in a little late) Dreamgirls on tv the other night. i had never seen it before, but there's a scene where a couple's relationship is ending & she sings this song, about how she's not going anywhere & you.... you're gonna love me...
& in her voice is just this pleading... love me, love me, love me.
It touched me.
i think because i am so needy sometimes.
& i think because i know so many others who need someone to give them more, or at least *some* love...
Today Neil & i were talking about Gage & how he's still not even close to sleeping through the night. Neil told me he thinks we should really try letting him 'cry it out'. & i just know i can't. The older i get, the more my heart tells me to err on the side of love. Gage is little for such a short time & i don't think it's over indulgent to comfort, feed, sooth, touch, hold him when he wakes at night.
There are so many, many times during the day that i legitimately need to discipline ~ & i try to do that in a loving way... using so many *words* i get sick of the sound of my own voice... & yet, i think this softness that i feel is good for me. i want my first reaction, not to be anger, but to be love. :) hehe. i blush as i type that, because i've seen my own temper flare... i hope that as i get older (32 today!!!) & as Neil continues to tease me more & more about being a 'softie' ~ that it'll be true & i'll take it as a compliment. i want to adore my husband... & see him sit in the comfort of the firm knowledge of my love. i want to show love to *people*... God thinks they're important...
Anyway, i'm thinkin' today ~ about love. Getting it, giving it... showing it, hiding it, withdrawing it, being stingy with it, or extravagant... speaking it, knowing it, living it, losing it... love.