Saturday, November 17, 2007

What happened over the past 12 years? i had one of those strange moments, i'm sure we've all had where a friend from waaaaay back found me on facebook & i was telling Neil about her & all these memories of myself & what i was like & what i thought & believed about life, myself & God flooded back to me. Sometimes i'm so ashamed of the girl that i've been in the past (or, frankly, the one i am right now). i want to have "arrived" i wanna have the answers & stop making mistakes ~ & yet i have this sense that *this* awkwardness is my opportunity for growth... i'm like that gawky teenager with acne & braces... (even tho i'm more of a middle aged housewife) ~ but i'm growing, i'm changing & God's not finished the work He started in me.
Maybe it's sort of like that passage in Philippians, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
i was talking to Neil last night about a conversation i had with God ~ & as i was falling asleep, i thought, i haven't felt Him here like that since i delivered Hope. i wonder why? ... i think maybe He chose to carry me very close to Him in those days and weeks between when we found out Hope died & the delivery. It was a period of my life that i won't ever forget, but it's like now, He put me back down... i need to keep pressing on...


Lori-Dawn said...'s so wonderful when we don't have to press in to feel His presence. For me, these occasions are few and far between...I need to make special effort to feel Him close and as ashamed as I am to say it, I often forget how wonderful that closeness feels and get so caught up in life, He gets put on a shelf. It's so sad and stupid, but thanks for reminding me of this. Your post spurred me on!!

kesmom said...

I can totally relate to the gawky teenager thoughts. That's how i'm feeling right now. But we can only follow the Holy Spirit and submit and allow God to control as best we can. Keep working on that relationship. As all relationships though I think its pretty normal to lose touch sometimes... even in those MOST important. Thankfully we have a loving and forgiving God :)


Jen said...

I think everyone has those feelings. Wanting to be *there* with God. But He is always keeping us on our toes - drawing us nearer and nearer to Him. I don't think He ever wants us to feels like we are *there*.
Then we would just stop searching and reaching.
10 more weeks! I'm right behind you! I haven't got bored with being pregnant yet - so far I'm loving it too. I'm sure once Christmas is over and I quit work it will be a little tougher to be patient! Although some days I just want to have a little glimse of what he/she looks like. Something I can't even imagine. Fun! Oh ya - can you send me that sling pattern? And do you have any other carriers/slings? What brand do you like?


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