i have this memory. Cai was really little like maybe 3 or 4? i had the three little girls & we lived in Sexsmith. There were a lot of parks there & we usually went to the 2 that were closer to our house. Sometimes, when we felt like a little hike, we'd go to the one that was a little farther from our house. i remember that's the park we went to that day.
Right when we got there, Cai found a little dolly. Her fabric body was torn & her plastic limbs chewed through. She was completely covered in mud ~ & looked like she had been left there in the rain. She had no clothes on & looked a mess. i remember seeing Cai's face when she saw her. She caught her breath & said, "mommy!" i remember thinking, "Oh, Cai, don't touch that. It's so dirty & gross." But, i also remember a check in my spirit & i just watched what she did.
Cai was so gentle with that little plastic baby replica.
She gently rubbed her plastic face with wet grass to get the dirt off. She picked grass and made a little mound for the babe to lie on and covered her body with grass and leaves.
i don't remember her crooning and talking to the baby... Maybe she understood that it was too late.
In my little daughter, i saw the mothers heart that society seems bent on obliterating.
Maybe i was extra sensitive to this little scene played out before me because it seemed so familiar. i remember when i delivered my son, only 16 weeks into my pregnancy, that Neil didn't want to hold him. i remember holding his little broken body & counting fingers and toes. i remember trying to be gentle with the body of the little one who God had formed in the secret place... & i remember when the nurse wanted to take him away, not being able to let go of his dear little frame.
What is it about our world that has allowed mothers to see their little ones as disposable? Or worse, their little bodies as commodities? (i know it's hard to fathom, but my sister sent me this link that is pretty clear...)
i was thinking about this today & realizing that our abortion laws can't & won't change until our hearts do.

i like to read my newspaper & drink a cup of coffee in the morning:) It's my little vice. i try the crossword puzzle & never finish it... & i read all the letters to the editor & i throw away the "financial post" section. It's my little routine.
Sometimes i clip articles that speak to me & i have my little file folder of articles stashed away that makes my husband laugh at me.
Anyway, last week, i clipped two. They haven't made it to the file folder yet ~ they're still on the fridge. One was a decent article by Barbara Kay titled "Goodness: It comes from God" (pretty self explanatory i think) ~ Her main idea was summed up by her last paragraph that said, "I know many atheists who are passionate advocates for social justice. In every case they grew up in homes drenched in the morality and ideals of Judaism or Christianity."
She presented a pretty thoughtful article ~ so i saved it.
The other one was even better.
The second piece was written by George Jonas, and was titled, "Children cramp our style". With comments like, "Style is important to us. We're all set to march to our extinction in style." It's a harsh little bit of writing at times that hits on some important truths. Here's one that i wish we all would come to see as a truth, "We invent euphemisms, such as "choice" for killing, and sophomoric dilemmas, such as pretending not to know when life begins, to ensure that nothing hinders Virginia's quest for Santa Claus".
He drew on the story of Solomon in the bible & said of Solomon, " He had the fixed idea that an authentic mother would rather give up her child than kill it, in which the good king might have been a trifle too optimistic." ~ He ends the article coming back to that same story & saying, "Ms. Choice on appeal from King Solomon's judgement. Rather than let some other woman have her baby, she pleads to have it cut in half. The ball is in our honourable court."
Kinda rare to have that kind of brutal truth spoken isn't it?
My sister said something to me the other day, that i've been thinking about a bit. She said that Christians don't need to be afraid of logic and truth. God is both of those things... She (my sister) has a bit of a reputation for following through arguments and debates to their logical conclusion.
i love that God will be faithful in 'making our paths straight'.

i read "Getting Near to Baby" again today. It's one of my favourite books. It captures grief in a way that i've never read in other books. i see myself in each character ~ adult, or child... strength or weakness... mostly weakness i guess.
my sister lost her little babe this week. That precious knowledge that baby's 9 months journey had begun was only a week or two old ~ & before they got through savouring that delicous flavour, babe had gone. My own fresh sorrow came back to me in the face of her grief.

i got an email the other day recommending this site with an article written by Janet Smith. i had recently ordered a free copy of her dvd from One More Soul (a catholic group online with whom i agree on so many issues). i haven't had a chance to listen to it yet, & i'm kind of hoping my husband & i can sit down and watch it together... i'm interested to hear what she has to say (putting aside the theological differences between catholics & protestants ~ which i think we can for a debate on contraception).
i was reminded the other night too of how nice it is to have 'give away' resources on hand. i had been talking to another couple about Randy Alcorn & his book 'Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions" came up. They had never heard of it before (or that there was a possibility of the pill causing abortions) ~ so i gave them a copy. They're cheap & so good to have all the info on hand when someone asks. i know you can print them off for free from his website, but sometimes the book is handier & nicer to give to someone (& it's easier on the printer too:)
i bought an extra copy of "Be Fruitful & Multiply" too (it's a Nancy Campbell book ~ Above Rubies). i haven't had the opportunity to lend it out, but if i do & it never gets returned, i'll still have mine. My sister lent me her copy of "Birthing God's Mighty Warriors" (Rachel Scott) & then bought a new copy:) it's a nice way to get books hee hee.
Anyway ~ all 'resources' aside... it's really a heart issue. & you can't force that. Reading a million books won't change somebody's heart. i love that my responsibility is so clear. God wants me to speak truth. He's in charge of hearts... including mine. i pray that He will keep my heart soft & malleable so that He can keep my heart beating in tune with His. i want to be open to correction & teachable. Being a mom is such a great place to practice those qualities He's trying to grow in me.

When Job's seven sons and three daughters perished in one day, Scripture tells us of Job's response. "Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly" (Job 1:20-22).

i cut this bit of scripture out of a piece that i read by Terri Maxwell called The Valley of the Shadow of Death. She recently lost her little 3 day old grand daughter, and this piece dealt with that loss...
God, help me to be this stubborn in my faith and my love for You.

i love the look of concentration on her face.

My friend Jamie gave me the "thinking blogger award". So, i get to give it to 5 people & they're supposed to put the pic on their blog & give it to 5 more people.

So, i give the Thinking Blogger Award to...

1. Melissa ~ who i know has a heart for Jesus & loves to grapple with the tough issues.

2. jen ~ who makes me wish i had her maturity when i was her age...

3. my mom ~ who thinks things through to their logical conclusion.

4. my sister steph ~ who takes after my mom. haha! & who has encouraged me in motherhood more than she knows.

5. my sister jess ~ who has been an inspiration to me. She doesn't update her blog much, but it's her story of learning about her son's epilepsy. She's such an amazing mom.