i always feel like Christmas break is halfway to the end of our year - even though it's not.
Right now, i find myself trying to sprint to some imagined halfway mark.
& i know in my heart - that even if we meet these goals, and tic each item accomplished off our list... and tell ourselves that we're half way - we're not halfway to anywhere worth getting.
i need to remind myself that learning isn't measured in pages filled out.
The winding road we're travelling on isn't marked with road signs reading, "half way to intelligent" - or "quarter of the way to average grade five scores..."
We're engaged in a marathon - not a sprint - and it's nowhere near over yet.
The winding road we've started on is the same one we'll be travelling decades from now... the road that will feed our curiosity, ignite the fires of our passions and become the vehicle that takes us where we need to go...
And so i'll take solace in the fact that it's not time to gauge successes or failures - it's time to persevere, take courage in our Christmas intermission - and invite the second half of the year to bring more knowledge than the first...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
a weaning...
The best kind of weanings - you can't really remember how or when exactly they happened. You just know that over the course of several weeks, or months - your little one asked less - & you neglected to offer... until one day you realize that it has been several days since your little one nursed.
You start trying to remember when the last time you nursed them was - and the memory of it escapes you.
You look at your little one - playing contentedly - or eating their oatmeal with a spoon at the table - and it hits you that it could be over.
Out of the blue - days later - they ask to be nursed. You laugh to yourself, "Ha - i knew it wasn't over just yet..."
But seconds after latching on, they gaze up at you with eyes bluer than the ocean and say, "i better."
"You don't want to nurse?"
"No. Ephyum can have it all."
And it's good. And a little sad. And there's just the tiniest bit of relief...
And so maybe our weaning isn't complete - or maybe it is...
but i feel sure that we are in the final days...
& that's ok.
You start trying to remember when the last time you nursed them was - and the memory of it escapes you.
You look at your little one - playing contentedly - or eating their oatmeal with a spoon at the table - and it hits you that it could be over.
Out of the blue - days later - they ask to be nursed. You laugh to yourself, "Ha - i knew it wasn't over just yet..."
But seconds after latching on, they gaze up at you with eyes bluer than the ocean and say, "i better."
"You don't want to nurse?"
"No. Ephyum can have it all."
And it's good. And a little sad. And there's just the tiniest bit of relief...
And so maybe our weaning isn't complete - or maybe it is...
but i feel sure that we are in the final days...
& that's ok.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Christmas 2010
It was the kinda year that makes you grow and weep and laugh - all at the same time.
2010 started out with promise, and our lives changed forever for the good when Ephraim was born late at night in the middle of February.
The change from six to seven little ones seemed easy - after the initial changing of the vehicle to fit us all - and our sweet new son lent a whole 'nother scope of colours to our family hue with his arrival. Five weeks after he was born, i broke my knee - and it has been one of the most frustrating seasons of my life - to feel sidelined, unable and sore. i try not to complain about it too much, but i miss kneeling down without a thought to fold laundry or wipe the floors. i moan to Neil that i would love one day where i don't think about it - or compensate for it's weakness.
It was the first of *three* broken bones for our family as both Sloanie and Peyton broke wrists this year too. They both amazed me with their resilience and good attitudes, as i know it couldn't have been easy.
Neil has continued to thrive and love his job - despite the discouraging economy. i'm so grateful for that. He travels about half time, & we have grown used to having him away, but we love it best when he's home, and we can sneak out to his office in the garage to peek at him if the desire arises.
i have fed my interests this year by continuing to play music, to blog (still at http://www.sojourner-ephraim.blogspot.com/ ) - and by stealing the time this year to write my first novel.
Cairo is in grade 9. She is taking her first online course in preparation for highschool next year when she'll likely be taking a lot more courses online if we decide to pursue a traditional highschool diploma - which it looks like we'll be doing. She is also enjoying playing in the Performance group of the Bow Valley Fiddlers. She's hoping that in the next couple of years she'll be playing at a level to be able to audition for the Calgary fiddlers. i think she's getting close! She has also started playing the guitar - and opportunities for music seem to keep cropping up for her.
Sloanie started attending youth group this year with Cairo - and is playing violin in the youth band at church. She's toying with the idea of auditioning for the Bow Valley Fiddlers next year, and i'm hoping she does. She's still my bookworm - and was the first person to encouragingly read through each page of my novel as i pecked it out.
Peyton is in grade 5 and is also playing violin. She decided to take an online course this year too, and chose science. It has been a neat experience for me to see my littles taught by someone else, but she says she's not eager to take another online course next year... i guess we know who's an easier teacher. *smile*. Peyton has made some really close girl friends and we miss her when she lives half time at her buddy's house, but it's fun seeing her enjoy her friendships so much.
Charter and Peyton have both been taking Karate, and they got their yellow belts this year. Charter also got to join a Basketball team - and it has been a highlight for me whenever i get to watch him play. His 2 little buddies from church are on the same team as him, and he loves the chance to be out with the boys running hard till his cheeks are like little tomatoes and his surfer hair flops over his forehead.
Molls is in grade 1 - and has been the easiest addition to our homeschool. She continues to love awana that she attends weekly with Charter & Peyton, and is a huge help to me with the little boys.
Gagey is creeping up on 3. He's a big strong boy - and he loves his baby brother. He is still the darling of the older ones despite Neil's prediction that he would be 'kicked to the curb' when the new baby arrived.
And sweet baby Ephraim. Soon he'll be one - he has been another happy, easy little baby - softening the rest of us, and reminding us what's important.
So there's your update on each member of our crew.
May God continue to be the center - and to keep us close to Him.
neil, paige
cai, sloan, peyton, charter, mollen, gage & ephraim
2010 started out with promise, and our lives changed forever for the good when Ephraim was born late at night in the middle of February.
The change from six to seven little ones seemed easy - after the initial changing of the vehicle to fit us all - and our sweet new son lent a whole 'nother scope of colours to our family hue with his arrival. Five weeks after he was born, i broke my knee - and it has been one of the most frustrating seasons of my life - to feel sidelined, unable and sore. i try not to complain about it too much, but i miss kneeling down without a thought to fold laundry or wipe the floors. i moan to Neil that i would love one day where i don't think about it - or compensate for it's weakness.
It was the first of *three* broken bones for our family as both Sloanie and Peyton broke wrists this year too. They both amazed me with their resilience and good attitudes, as i know it couldn't have been easy.
Neil has continued to thrive and love his job - despite the discouraging economy. i'm so grateful for that. He travels about half time, & we have grown used to having him away, but we love it best when he's home, and we can sneak out to his office in the garage to peek at him if the desire arises.
i have fed my interests this year by continuing to play music, to blog (still at http://www.sojourner-ephraim.blogspot.com/ ) - and by stealing the time this year to write my first novel.
Cairo is in grade 9. She is taking her first online course in preparation for highschool next year when she'll likely be taking a lot more courses online if we decide to pursue a traditional highschool diploma - which it looks like we'll be doing. She is also enjoying playing in the Performance group of the Bow Valley Fiddlers. She's hoping that in the next couple of years she'll be playing at a level to be able to audition for the Calgary fiddlers. i think she's getting close! She has also started playing the guitar - and opportunities for music seem to keep cropping up for her.
Sloanie started attending youth group this year with Cairo - and is playing violin in the youth band at church. She's toying with the idea of auditioning for the Bow Valley Fiddlers next year, and i'm hoping she does. She's still my bookworm - and was the first person to encouragingly read through each page of my novel as i pecked it out.
Peyton is in grade 5 and is also playing violin. She decided to take an online course this year too, and chose science. It has been a neat experience for me to see my littles taught by someone else, but she says she's not eager to take another online course next year... i guess we know who's an easier teacher. *smile*. Peyton has made some really close girl friends and we miss her when she lives half time at her buddy's house, but it's fun seeing her enjoy her friendships so much.
Charter and Peyton have both been taking Karate, and they got their yellow belts this year. Charter also got to join a Basketball team - and it has been a highlight for me whenever i get to watch him play. His 2 little buddies from church are on the same team as him, and he loves the chance to be out with the boys running hard till his cheeks are like little tomatoes and his surfer hair flops over his forehead.
Molls is in grade 1 - and has been the easiest addition to our homeschool. She continues to love awana that she attends weekly with Charter & Peyton, and is a huge help to me with the little boys.
Gagey is creeping up on 3. He's a big strong boy - and he loves his baby brother. He is still the darling of the older ones despite Neil's prediction that he would be 'kicked to the curb' when the new baby arrived.
And sweet baby Ephraim. Soon he'll be one - he has been another happy, easy little baby - softening the rest of us, and reminding us what's important.
So there's your update on each member of our crew.
May God continue to be the center - and to keep us close to Him.
neil, paige
cai, sloan, peyton, charter, mollen, gage & ephraim
Saturday, December 18, 2010
i had a dream...
The other day, Radar posted her recent dream on her blog.
It reminded me that i had wanted to post my dream too.
Usually my dreams are thick, deep and meaningful - there is wrestling, and angst and a "working out of things"...
This dream wasn't like that.
In this dream, i 'showed up' at dream land. As i walked in, prepared for a night fraught with anguish, instead i was welcomed with a handshake to what would become my dream. i remember being confused at this turn of events.
i was escorted to an enormous animal - which i soon found out was a unicorn.
Yes.
A unicorn.
i climbed aboard, and the unicorn flew me around Calgary's night sky.
That was my dream.
i don't care what it means.
i got to fly on a unicorn.
For real.
in my dream.
It reminded me that i had wanted to post my dream too.
Usually my dreams are thick, deep and meaningful - there is wrestling, and angst and a "working out of things"...
This dream wasn't like that.
In this dream, i 'showed up' at dream land. As i walked in, prepared for a night fraught with anguish, instead i was welcomed with a handshake to what would become my dream. i remember being confused at this turn of events.
i was escorted to an enormous animal - which i soon found out was a unicorn.
Yes.
A unicorn.
i climbed aboard, and the unicorn flew me around Calgary's night sky.
That was my dream.
i don't care what it means.
i got to fly on a unicorn.
For real.
in my dream.
Friday, December 17, 2010
i wanna remember...
the way sunshine boy calls his baby brother, 'efyum'.
all my littles being littler than me.
taking bubble baths with my tiny sick boy.
nursing a baby while visiting with a 14 year old.
the clothing that comes out of the dryer - in every imaginable size.
i wanna remember
missing supper because he needed me - feeding someone rather than always being fed.
sunshine boy snuggling me in his spiderman undies till he murmurs, "Let's kiss."
Obliging.
Never getting everything done.
Always doing something.
i wanna remember the
bone weariness -
the whispered games of Simon Says because my lisping girl - who no longer lisps - told me, "i rock at this."
"Simon says point at your best friend."
Two year old points at six year old who points at two year old.
i wanna remember charter not wanting to be a belt ahead of peyton in karate...
i wanna remember their sweet loyalty and mutual trust.
Sloanie and i were washing dishes and she said to me, "So, didja have a good day, mama?"
& i said i guessed i did.
"i don't think i'll ever remember this day for the rest of my life though," she smiled, "even though it was a good one..."
but i want to.
Like a greedy miser hoarding their gold, i want to remember every single one of these good days that make up these good years...
all my littles being littler than me.
taking bubble baths with my tiny sick boy.
nursing a baby while visiting with a 14 year old.
the clothing that comes out of the dryer - in every imaginable size.
i wanna remember
missing supper because he needed me - feeding someone rather than always being fed.
sunshine boy snuggling me in his spiderman undies till he murmurs, "Let's kiss."
Obliging.
Never getting everything done.
Always doing something.
i wanna remember the
bone weariness -
the whispered games of Simon Says because my lisping girl - who no longer lisps - told me, "i rock at this."
"Simon says point at your best friend."
Two year old points at six year old who points at two year old.
i wanna remember charter not wanting to be a belt ahead of peyton in karate...
i wanna remember their sweet loyalty and mutual trust.
Sloanie and i were washing dishes and she said to me, "So, didja have a good day, mama?"
& i said i guessed i did.
"i don't think i'll ever remember this day for the rest of my life though," she smiled, "even though it was a good one..."
but i want to.
Like a greedy miser hoarding their gold, i want to remember every single one of these good days that make up these good years...
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