i caught you...

Ephraim has the funniest habit of grinning like a mad fool at people who aren't looking at him.

i keep catching him - because, it seems that no matter who i'm talking to, i can't take my eyes off of that soft little boy.

He has a dent in his tiny perfect chin.

And one dimple on his right cheek.

It all starts out with him looking out at the world with his dark, piercing eyes. They're so full of intelligence and attention - he's beautiful.

Suddenly, his sweet face will be flooded with warmth - (how do tiny babies do that?) His eyes almost dance - & even though the corners of his mouth haven't turned - you can tell that he is *happy*.

That's when you start holding your breath...

It's coming...

It's coming...

There it is... a sweet smile that makes his chubby cheeks fold from the pressure.

& sometimes,

if i'm lucky...

he'll lean his floppy head back, open his mouth all crookedy and with a sharp intake of breath - produce the first syllable of a laugh - that one squeaky sound of joy...

Usually the sound shocks him & he immediately goes straight faced as if to say, "What WAS that noise??" He does the same thing if i laugh out loud while trying to coax a smile, so i really try to restrain myself.

He's such a gentle little soul...

Making the world a better place, littering it all up with smiles - not worrying a second if they're wasted... putting out joy & making the magnetic pull between his sweet babyness and my mama eyes unimaginably strong.

ephraim magnus, you are a joy...

you were throwing smiles around like they were going out of style...

& i caught you.

because He loves us.

i had a sad week.
Defeated, done, down...
but this morning i woke up & remembered...
They're new again today, aren't they -

His mercies...

Today i'm thinking of The One who sustains my hope...
He
is
risen...

Just like He said.

& it's on Christ the solid rock i stand...
all other ground is sinking sand.

Sounds cocky to even say that's where i "stand" today...
More like lying, gasping, wet and filthy and half drowned...

but held...
He's merciful - and worthy of my hope.

i love you, Jesus.

let down...

It had already been 'one of those days'... after a heroic effort on my part to actually have a bath, the smiley, cute little baby peed all over us both... After i got us all changed, Gagey spilled a big cup of water all over me & i had to make the marathon journey up the stairs to change again... Then Gagey fell & got a horrible swollen eye.
Enough already, i thought...
But no...
Then Peyton went for a bike ride with her friend & after an unfortunate seat malfunction, she put her teeth through her lip. Her friend's mama phoned me & as she was telling me that Peyton was hurt, i looked down & my shirt was soaking wet.
It's amazing, isn't it, how our mama bodies were made to empathise, & to comfort - to protect & to love our little ones. She got a ride home & her little hurting self found it's way to my arms. i think it helped me as much to hold her, as it helped her to be held.
This world is just full of pain, isn't it? Big ones... little ones... Big lips, little black eyes...
i'm almost ready to break out the bubble wrap...
Almost...

Matthew 20:28

Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto,
but to minister,
and to
give
his
life
a ransom for many.


Thank you, Father.

Day 14, 28 days remaining...

14 points for 14 days!

1* i have learned how to walk with crutches - despite Cai's hilarious blog post that seems to downplay my abilities.
2* i usually lose my baby weight in the first 3 months after having a baby - i've just been lucky that way i guess... i'm curious to see what my body is doing this time as i accumulate hours on the couch...
3* My littles have learned how to use me as an excuse, "Sorry! i was coming, but i got caught behind mom on the stairs..."
4* i went downstairs for the first time since my fall. "Downstairs" is the sleeping place of 3 of our littles and it's also home of our laundry room, rec room & a bathroom... i have been a little nervous - but i was pleasantly surprised.
5* Peyton gathers the laundry, Cairo sorts the loads & starts them, Charter switches into the dryer & Sloanie brings me the loads to fold & then she puts them away - quite the system.
6* My Neil is tired. He's usually pretty tired - he's got a lot on his plate... He's just the best guy... but he's more tired than usual lately - i feel really bad about that.
7* Ephraim is sleeping through the night. i can't imagine if we had a sad little baby this time, how hard this would be. Ephraim is like a dream. He goes to bed at 9pm & wakes for a snack around 4am & back to sleep till 7 (most nights).
8* i don't know how we would have made it through the last 2 weeks without people bringing us meals. i'm imagining we would have eaten a lot of pizza... mmmm pizza...
9* My family wishes i could do more of my job. i do too.
10* i'm trying to only count down the days till i get my cast changed rather than off... 'cause it's shorter...
11* i totally get why children stick things inside their casts.
12* i have hardly played the piano in the past 2 weeks - Sometimes i really wish i had broken my left leg.
13* i think Neil worries that i have left all semblance of hygiene in the past.
14* i'm worried that he might be right.