trusting God

A friend & i were talking about our Father one day.
She was telling me how she was learning so much about Him - & that she didn't realize before, how much more there was to know about Him.
She's writing a beautiful book right now & it's like a tall glass of water on a hot day when she offers to let me pre-read a chapter.
Anyway - the sermon at church yesterday was about our unwillingness to trust God... & it struck me - if only we could all be introduced to the loving Father my friend writes about in her book: the Author & Finisher,
the Creator of the mighty & powerful...
& also of the weak and the frail...
The One who commands the winds and the seas,
but whose eye is on the sparrow...
The One who assigned kings
& yet saw the tears of a desolate woman in the desert, & had compassion on her...
If we could all be introduced to *that* God... How much easier would it be to trust Him?
How much of our inability to trust comes from a false view of the One who loves us most?
How much of what we believe about God comes from tradition, or misunderstanding... or lies?
In knowing Him, it becomes easier to trust Him...
In knowing Him, it becomes easier to love Him... because we see, despite His vastness, His greatness, His Holiness...
how much He loves us too.

a month... 4 weeks...

Having a baby in February is hard because then...

Your baby hits the "one month" mark -

when they're a mere 4 weeks.

We should be given a couple of days grace.... (Am i boring you, baby?)

28 days?

Really February? Is that all you could come up with?

& so it is with a sigh of resignation, that i admit - that this glorious first month has reached it's end.

Happy one month birthday, Ephraim... You're draggin' mama kicking and screaming into the second.

spring toys...

Daddy bought Gage a new weapon bat. He has been enjoying chasing the girls playing with it a lot.

Almost as much as i have been enjoying chasing him around taking pictures of him with my new camera.

Thank you daddy for our new toys!

darling baby...

Maybe you didn't know this, baby, but i was that picked on kid on the school playground who always got asked, "Do you have a staring problem?" because i was always... staring...

You give me good reason to stare - with your tiny ears, exquisite nose & the ever present hope that i might catch a glimpse of your one elusive dimple.

But, in these evening hours - you won't even let me catch a peek of your sweet hair - your dreamy, milky doziness or your brand new nursing blister (that only makes those little lips even more kissable).

You tuck your downy head right into my neck & breathe heavy, baby breaths on me - letting me feel the weight of your seamless little body...

& only making a peep when i lean you back to stare into your fresh little face.

Then your little mouth turns down in the most pathetic way,

your little chest starts with those little hiccuping sobs,

your tiny hands clench into sad little fists,

& i'm forced to nestle you once again into the groove of my neck...

So *fine* baby, you win.

i won't look at you.

i'll even close my eyes if you want me to.

i'll let my fingers be my eyes as i feel your little toes & pat your tiny back.

i'll let your scent feed me, as i fight the urge to gobble you in one mouthful.

i'll listen intently to your wee gruntings and feel your gentle clawings on my neck.

i can live without staring....

for a minute or two....

But be warned delicious boy -

The moment your body grows heavy with sleep -

and the scritchy scratchy fingers stop their trailings on my neck-

The instant your gruntings change to heavy breathing & you're lying limp in my arms -

i will lay you across my body & enjoy the beauty that is -

my darling baby.

portraits