25 weeks today!

Yippee!

i'll be 25 weeks tomorrow.
i really really feel some days like i truly *can't* wait.
i remember my first pregnancy with little Cai & how oblivious i was ~ how i felt sort of invincible & i wish so much that i could go back there. The bonus for being here though is *gratitude* & i am feeling great ~ & i do really love being 'with child' ~ but that feeling of invincibility is gone. i feel powerless ~ & daily i have to put this little one's life in the Father's hands... & sometimes i feel so vulnerable. This baby is so sweet ~ but some days, all the little kicks & jabs that go on for hours on end will cease completely & babe will siesta for 48 hours & drive mama nuts.
i do feel "placed" here. & like i need these days to grow this baby ~ to grow my faith ~ to surrender my desire to be in control of life & death ~ to be broken ~ to anticipate life.
Neil has this funny thing about inductions. He thinks they're horrible & that babies should come when they're ready. i think he's funny to have a preference when he's the daddy & he's not carrying little one ~ but there's a part of me that thinks he's right... That each one of these days spent waiting & being faithful to the task at hand ~ was ordained by the Father's hand & He sees what He's creating & each day has purpose & holds lessons to be learned...
Father, help me be faithful as my body holds this little life. Give me what i need to grow this little one & to become the woman you want me to be.
Blessed be Your name ~ in the land that is plentiful ~

i bought some fabric & me & my sisters made some moby wraps :) A moby wrap is a loooong piece of fabric that you use to carry baby ~ mine is a sweet light blue with a cute little butterfly applique on it to mark the middle of the fabric when you're wrapping it...)
When i got home, i put my little plastic bag with my wrap in it, in my closet...
hiding...
waiting...
i've made a little birth plan & thought out what's important to me...
Most of my preparation thus far has been mental. i don't have a lot for the baby ~ nor do i think i *need* a lot... but,

Every little action preparing me for this baby's birth seems to me a huge act of faith.

Neil & i went & looked at car seats & strollers (our 2 "needs" for this baby) & as i started getting back into the vehicle, i burst out laughing. It seemed so rediculous to be looking at baby things. Like an extravagant luxurious vacation that you don't deserve...

Some crazy guy stabbed his pregnant girlfriend ~ killing her and her little baby ~ because he said the 'fetus told him it didn't want to be born'.
In Canada, now this guy is only charged with the murder of his girlfriend ~ even though by his own admission, his target was someone much smaller & more vulnerable. Canada's laws are this way *solely* because it would mess up a woman's right to an abortion if it were a crime to kill a little one still in it's mother's womb. What a messed up country we live in where we hold more dear to us our right to kill than a little one's right to life.
So, in the paper, were letters arguing back & forth over what's more important, the pro-choice side arguing that it will be sufficient that he's charged with the death of his girlfriend & the pro-life side saying, 'that's not the point'.
i'm left wondering, what would have happened if his girlfriend were left only injured, but the baby dead, would it have been sufficient that he was charged with assault? i guess if he was smart, he could have just forced her to make an appointment at an abortion clinic... then nobody would have to pay... i wonder how many women who are pregnant & in dangerous relationships will start to think this way too? Easier to kill than to be killed?

This weekend is Thanksgiving.
Father, we thank you for each blessing in *every circumstance* of life we have received...
even in the rain...
Neil & i were listening to this song the other night & the lyrics kinda grabbed me.
i sent it to my sisters & said, "sounds almost cocky ~ if God wasn't who He is.... but He is..."

Bring The Rain
Artist(Band):MercyMe
I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than my pain
you who made a way for me suffering your destiny
so tell me whats a little rain

[1st Chorus]
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing
[2nd Chorus 2x]
everybody singing
Holy holy holy
you are holy you are holy
[2nd Chorus 2x]