Some days are just hard.
My dad has a famous saying "P&A, girls!! P&A!"
What's P&A you ask? It's positive & appreciative. It's as ingrained in me as: "perform the first time you're asked... Sloans don't need to be coaxed."
i really do love that about my dad... & i really am positive ~ & so grateful ~ especially to God.
But, like i said, some days are just hard.
More specifically, today is hard.
i don't know why. Maybe 'cause Neil's out of town & i'm lonely. Maybe 'cause it's still too cold to just sit outside. Maybe because my hormones are crazy.
So, today i was thinking about Irena Sendler.
On March 15th, the National Post ran an article titled, "Poland honours woman who saved Jewish children." The story is about a woman, Irena Sendler, who smuggled children out of the Warsaw ghetto during WW2. The article told how she smuggled children out through the sewers, but was eventually caught and tortured. Her arms and legs were broken & yet she still refused to give up any names. (She had buried information about each child she saved to help families reunite after the war). She was sentenced to be executed but friends helped her escape. She was officially listed as dead and she managed to hide for the rest of the war. The article quotes Irena as saying in response to her being honoured for her heroism, "Every child saved with my help is the justification of my existence on this Earth, and not a title to glory." She said she does not consider herself a heroine. Instead she says, "I still have a bad conscience for having done so little."
i know some people might think that those who lived through the holocaust have more reason to feel guilt for not having done enough. (i still remember that was the feeling expressed at the end of the movie Schindler's List too).
i think our generation is going through the same kind of moral bankruptcy that existed during the second world war & i have a feeling that one day, our generation will echo Irena Sendler's generation, in wishing we hadn't done so little.
So, tonight it's bedtime:) . i spent too much time crying today. Tomorrow, i'm going to keep on with the work He gave me to do. It might not be as dangerous as Irena Sendler's ~ & i might not accomplish it as bravely as she did, but at the very least, when i'm tried, i want to be found faithful. i've got 5 little ones that God has asked me to try to "smuggle out through the sewers". (At least it feels like that to me sometimes~ especially today as i read about the guy who got 6 and a half months in jail for importing child pornography into Canada ~ with images of children as young as tiny one year olds being molested... imo, people like "Enrique Devarona" should be castrated at the very least, not given a slap on the wrist like 6.5 months ).
God, give me the wisdom & perseverance to keep going. When i feel sad, defeated, tired & as dumb as a sack of hammers. Help me see the importance of being a good wife and mother & act accordingly.