Sloan is participating in 5 minute Fridays, hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker, so I decided to join her today. Can I just say that 5 minutes is a heck of a lot shorter than I realized it was? Today's word was *encouragement*.
Go.
I'm scrolling through facebook and a sign catches my eye.
"You. Yeah, you. You're beautiful..."
And the sentiment makes me giggle cause someone wants to make everyone feel special - but to me, encouragement that isn't sifted serves no other purpose than to fill empty spaces with empty words.
The ones who encourage me are the soft speakers who live their encouragement. They wear their humility like a gown, and their lifework speaks to the value of the time I've spent in living this dream, bearing these babies, sowing countless seeds into these precious lives.
The ones who encourage me are the ones who open their mouths and Jesus comes out. They take the steps forward when their legs wanna trembling stop, turn and run. The encouragement comes from actions that live out truth rather than words that spill out unchecked, unmeasured, full of undeserved praise and oft spouted generalized platitudes.
You want to encourage me?
Live it.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Teenagers part 3
This is the next (final?) installment on this little series on parenting teens. If there is a desire for discussion, please feel free to leave comments in the comments section and i'll do my best to facilitate it!
One the most humbling, difficult thing I've done for my teens is to prayerfully find mentors for each one. Each of the three mentors is in a different decade of her life - each has different strengths and opinions and life experiences... each was open to welcoming one of my girls into their lives and hearts in the midst of their neediness.
I've found that sometimes teens want or need to expand their circle of trust. I want them to be able to find safe places to grow. Sometimes teens will be tempted to unload to another vulnerable (young) friend - rather than in a safe, stable place. I want to be intentional about facilitating relationships with adults who they can relate to - who will consistently point them back to Jesus... and hopefully to us (her parents) too.
I've spoken to these women about my girls too - I want them to understand that they're not stepping on my toes. I want them to know that I see my own brokenness and I want my kids to have support and love and good, godly women in their lives. I want them to know that I'm grateful for their input.
My prayer is that these mentors would give similar advice to me - & also that they would say things like, "hey... maybe you should talk to your mom or ask your dad___" I know that when I've been so blessed to have the opportunity to build into other younger women's lives, that's the kind of advice I've tried to give - as well as turning consistently and persistently to my Father's word.
I've asked one of my best friends, Fawne, to guest post this blog because she has a passion for women and relationship - and also has been a beautiful shining example of discipleship in our church and every circle that she has ever been a part of.
I hope you love her thoughts as much as I do!!
********************************************
The first mentor I remember in my life was a beautiful young woman (our pastor's wife) and I adored her. I was twelve when she came into my life and at the time I had never even heard the word mentor or discipleship and throughout the years she spoke truth into my life I didn't even realize I was being mentored. It wasn't until I was twenty-one and went away to a Bible college whose very core and foundation was discipleship relationships that I began to understand the importance and absolute need not only for being mentored but for mentoring as well. In fact, I learned that God's word does not suggest that we do this but actually commands it. Jesus' final words on earth were . . . "Go, and make disciples" (Matthew 28:19).
As a woman who is filthy, who needs constant saving, this is one of the tools that God has used mightily in my own life -- discipleship. Women who are wiser than me speaking truth, asking me questions that lead me to see my own wrong, helping me see my brokenness, and teaching me what it means to walk under the umbrella of God's ruthless love.
I dare not even begin to assume that I would be half the woman I am today without so many godly women in my life who were willing to pour time and energy and prayer and love into me. I am convinced that when Jesus commanded us to "make disciples" it's for a very good reason . . . we were not meant to go it alone. We need each other.
One the most humbling, difficult thing I've done for my teens is to prayerfully find mentors for each one. Each of the three mentors is in a different decade of her life - each has different strengths and opinions and life experiences... each was open to welcoming one of my girls into their lives and hearts in the midst of their neediness.
I've found that sometimes teens want or need to expand their circle of trust. I want them to be able to find safe places to grow. Sometimes teens will be tempted to unload to another vulnerable (young) friend - rather than in a safe, stable place. I want to be intentional about facilitating relationships with adults who they can relate to - who will consistently point them back to Jesus... and hopefully to us (her parents) too.
I've spoken to these women about my girls too - I want them to understand that they're not stepping on my toes. I want them to know that I see my own brokenness and I want my kids to have support and love and good, godly women in their lives. I want them to know that I'm grateful for their input.
My prayer is that these mentors would give similar advice to me - & also that they would say things like, "hey... maybe you should talk to your mom or ask your dad___" I know that when I've been so blessed to have the opportunity to build into other younger women's lives, that's the kind of advice I've tried to give - as well as turning consistently and persistently to my Father's word.
I've asked one of my best friends, Fawne, to guest post this blog because she has a passion for women and relationship - and also has been a beautiful shining example of discipleship in our church and every circle that she has ever been a part of.
I hope you love her thoughts as much as I do!!
********************************************
The first mentor I remember in my life was a beautiful young woman (our pastor's wife) and I adored her. I was twelve when she came into my life and at the time I had never even heard the word mentor or discipleship and throughout the years she spoke truth into my life I didn't even realize I was being mentored. It wasn't until I was twenty-one and went away to a Bible college whose very core and foundation was discipleship relationships that I began to understand the importance and absolute need not only for being mentored but for mentoring as well. In fact, I learned that God's word does not suggest that we do this but actually commands it. Jesus' final words on earth were . . . "Go, and make disciples" (Matthew 28:19).
While I was at college I had a mentor who changed my entire worldview on discipleship and suddenly I knew that it was something I needed -- always and forever -- and I knew that if I needed it so badly that other young women would need it too.
A discipleship relationship is not complicated, it's simple. It's one person helping another person to know Jesus better and to walk in light of the truth of God's word. Sometimes it's very practical . . . an older woman teaching a younger woman the tricks she's learned over the years in time management, childcare, and loving unconditionally, etc. Sometimes it's deeply personal and hopefully God's word is always central.
That first mentor I was telling you about (our pastor's wife) left my life while I was still in my early teens and how I wish there had been another woman to take her place. I didn't know it yet while she was in my life but I was teetering on the brink of a tremendously painful season and as I look back on myself during those extremely difficult years my heart aches over my own loneliness, my need for someone to be there . . . speaking truth into me . . . my need for someone to listen. It's not that I didn't have great parents but a parent isn't a superstar and there's only so much they can do in each child's life.
If you're a parent of teens I can't emphasize how important it is to have other godly women speaking into your daughters and other godly men speaking into your sons. Already I have begun to pray for God to raise up men and women who are strong in the faith to speak into my own children, especially as they hit those teen years. Don't be afraid to help direct your children (especially young teens) toward godly men and women although often enough I believe they're drawn toward people who love the Lord all on their own.
Is this risky? Yes. Yes. Yes. Your child will probably spill your dirty secrets and even if they don't their mentor will see things you would rather keep hidden but in reality (in most cases) your pride is the only thing that will receive a solid blow.
Could it go wrong? It could. You could end up with someone who uses what is shared against you and makes you the object of gossip and slander. It's possible. Not likely, but possible. It's a risk you have to be willing to take. When we obey God's commands there is risk involved . . . not a risk of losing our security and significance . . . because that is wrapped up in what God says about us and no one can ever take it away. But there is a risk of pain. Sometimes it hurts to obey God but in the long run it's never as painful as disobedience.
Although I have had some difficult circumstances come out of discipleship relationships the good that has come out of them far outweighs the negative. I echo what Ann Voskamp said on her blog today:
I am the woman who needs saving from herself again, again, everyday — the dirty that needs to be wiped clean everyday, the hands that need a cross to wrap a life right around so she won’t get lost.
I am the woman who needs saving from herself again, again, everyday — the dirty that needs to be wiped clean everyday, the hands that need a cross to wrap a life right around so she won’t get lost.
As a woman who is filthy, who needs constant saving, this is one of the tools that God has used mightily in my own life -- discipleship. Women who are wiser than me speaking truth, asking me questions that lead me to see my own wrong, helping me see my brokenness, and teaching me what it means to walk under the umbrella of God's ruthless love.
I dare not even begin to assume that I would be half the woman I am today without so many godly women in my life who were willing to pour time and energy and prayer and love into me. I am convinced that when Jesus commanded us to "make disciples" it's for a very good reason . . . we were not meant to go it alone. We need each other.
Practical Tips For What Discipleship Looks Like:
1. Does it have to be face to face? I'm a busy mom and I don't always have time to meet with someone for an hour so I do discipleship over facebook; some people do it via texting, others by phone
2. What do you do during discipleship? My favorite way -- which I learned from my mentor -- is to allow the person I'm mentoring to talk about whatever is going on in their heart and life . . . their struggles, fears, what they're thinking about, questions they have about God or His word, etc. and then to bring truth into that situation using God's word as the foundation. Ask lots of questions.
3. How long is discipleship and how frequent? It can be however long you want. Ten minutes. An hour. However long you need it to be to talk about what you need to talk about. You may have to set a time limit though. I like to "meet" once a week but again, there are no set rules.
4. What if I try it and it doesn't go well? It happens. I've had it happen in my own life. Don't force it. Some mentor relationships were not meant to be. If either of you feels that it's not going well than you are free to walk away at any time. It's not a contract. Don't be too quick to walk away though, sometimes it just needs a bit of time. Both of you are learning. But if it's not going well don't be afraid to be honest about it and to ask someone else or as the mentor to quit mentoring that person. My discipler use to say that if the person she was mentoring was only in the mentor relationship because she wanted to be a "good" girl but wasn't serious about learning that she would say, "We're done for now. If you ever change your mind and want to get serious about following Jesus than I will be here for you." Don't feel as though you have to continue mentoring someone who doesn't want to learn, being mindful that some people take time to soften.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
teenagers part 2
It was something I've longed for from the beginnings of motherhood; and it grew as Cai learned words and how to string them together to make sentences, and put her thoughts out for the world to see.
(You can read Cai's incredibly thoughtful and insightful blog HERE.)
Talk to me.
Please, babies... talk to me. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know what they did when they were out of my sight. I wanted to know what they thought of their childhood as it was in progress. I wanted to know their opinions about events, circumstances, experiences - what did music do to them... and how are they growing?
It's in my nature to talk (& often... to talk too much...)
But I genuinely find my kids to be very interesting people.
Sloanie recently wrote a poem and I loved it so much because it painted such a vivid picture of how she sees herself growing into someone different than the shy little girl we see in pictures of her at age seven.
(You can read Cai's incredibly thoughtful and insightful blog HERE.)
Talk to me.
Please, babies... talk to me. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know what they did when they were out of my sight. I wanted to know what they thought of their childhood as it was in progress. I wanted to know their opinions about events, circumstances, experiences - what did music do to them... and how are they growing?
It's in my nature to talk (& often... to talk too much...)
But I genuinely find my kids to be very interesting people.
Sloanie recently wrote a poem and I loved it so much because it painted such a vivid picture of how she sees herself growing into someone different than the shy little girl we see in pictures of her at age seven.
Little Seven Year Old Me
The music I listen to would terrify little seven year old me,
The jokes I make now would horrify little eleven year old me,
The books I read now would bore little nine year old me,
And the clothes that I wear aren’t the frilly dresses I swore I would wear,
When I was little five year old me.
But fifteen year old me,
Looks back with love,
at the girl I used to be.
I’m older,
Wiser,
Dumber,
Taller,
Louder.
Maybe little seven year old me would be proud
Of the girl that I am now.
Instead of staying up in my cloud,
I grew up a little, I’m not sure how.
We still have lots of time to go,
Her life’s a part of mine like a silky soft sigh,
Just watch us as we change and grow,
Little seven year old me, and I
And so... a huge piece of my 'parenting teens philosophy' has been to talk to them. I kept talking to them when they were seven, 8, 10, 13, 17... and I sure hope I never stop. I talk to them about everything. We talk about prayer, gay marriage, poverty, racism, social justice and current events. We talk about boys, dating, hairstyles, 'fandoms' and clothes. We talk about friendships and family, rejection and divorce. We talk. We talk. And we talk.
And they have things to say. I try not to give my opinion as much, but I try to say things like, "but what about_?" if I think they might be missing something big. They are forming ideas and opinions - and I know that my teens aren't abnormally smart or socially aware - so i'll venture this fairly broad statement: teenagers are captivating. It's not going to be long till they're grown - and gone... and their teen years become a part of their accompanying, "silky soft sigh..."
I want to be friends with that piece of them too...
I want these to be years where they can bounce their newly forming thoughts off of someone who loves them. I want our conversations to be safe places to explore ideas and ideologies. I want to give them opposing arguments so that they can figure out their own heart as they wrestle (and sometimes struggle) through issues that are deserving of sincere contemplation.
I'm eager to see my little ones grow in 'wisdom and stature and favour with God and man'. And part of making sure that as a mama, I'm facilitating it happening - is by having conversations.
And here's where I tell you what happened today and maybe make myself look a little strange...
It was one of those one sided conversations that sometimes occur with teens. It was a crucial conversation that needed to be had, but it was uncomfortable - and hard. And so I spoke until my words ran out...
And then on impulse, I layed hands on the little woman who was only murmuring in response. Instead of words of instruction - or forcing conversation (which incidentally works a whole lot better when there are two people taking part) - I just lifted her up to God. I prayed for her like I don't remember ever praying for another human being in my life ever. It was my best parenting moment of the day... (week? Year?)... Not heavy, just love. The words flowed as I prayed blessing over her life and our relationship.
Prayer? Is bringing someone bigger than yourselves into the conversation.
It was an instant reminder that this child is the workmanship of a Holy God who created her with a purpose and a plan in mind - and because it pleased Him to do so.
The jokes I make now would horrify little eleven year old me,
The books I read now would bore little nine year old me,
And the clothes that I wear aren’t the frilly dresses I swore I would wear,
When I was little five year old me.
But fifteen year old me,
Looks back with love,
at the girl I used to be.
I’m older,
Wiser,
Dumber,
Taller,
Louder.
Maybe little seven year old me would be proud
Of the girl that I am now.
Instead of staying up in my cloud,
I grew up a little, I’m not sure how.
We still have lots of time to go,
Her life’s a part of mine like a silky soft sigh,
Just watch us as we change and grow,
Little seven year old me, and I
And so... a huge piece of my 'parenting teens philosophy' has been to talk to them. I kept talking to them when they were seven, 8, 10, 13, 17... and I sure hope I never stop. I talk to them about everything. We talk about prayer, gay marriage, poverty, racism, social justice and current events. We talk about boys, dating, hairstyles, 'fandoms' and clothes. We talk about friendships and family, rejection and divorce. We talk. We talk. And we talk.
And they have things to say. I try not to give my opinion as much, but I try to say things like, "but what about_?" if I think they might be missing something big. They are forming ideas and opinions - and I know that my teens aren't abnormally smart or socially aware - so i'll venture this fairly broad statement: teenagers are captivating. It's not going to be long till they're grown - and gone... and their teen years become a part of their accompanying, "silky soft sigh..."
I want to be friends with that piece of them too...
I want these to be years where they can bounce their newly forming thoughts off of someone who loves them. I want our conversations to be safe places to explore ideas and ideologies. I want to give them opposing arguments so that they can figure out their own heart as they wrestle (and sometimes struggle) through issues that are deserving of sincere contemplation.
I'm eager to see my little ones grow in 'wisdom and stature and favour with God and man'. And part of making sure that as a mama, I'm facilitating it happening - is by having conversations.
And here's where I tell you what happened today and maybe make myself look a little strange...
It was one of those one sided conversations that sometimes occur with teens. It was a crucial conversation that needed to be had, but it was uncomfortable - and hard. And so I spoke until my words ran out...
And then on impulse, I layed hands on the little woman who was only murmuring in response. Instead of words of instruction - or forcing conversation (which incidentally works a whole lot better when there are two people taking part) - I just lifted her up to God. I prayed for her like I don't remember ever praying for another human being in my life ever. It was my best parenting moment of the day... (week? Year?)... Not heavy, just love. The words flowed as I prayed blessing over her life and our relationship.
Prayer? Is bringing someone bigger than yourselves into the conversation.
It was an instant reminder that this child is the workmanship of a Holy God who created her with a purpose and a plan in mind - and because it pleased Him to do so.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
(ephesians 2:10)
“You are worthy, O Lord our God,
to receive glory and honor and power.
For you created all things,
and they exist because you created what you pleased.”
to receive glory and honor and power.
For you created all things,
and they exist because you created what you pleased.”
(revelation 4:11)
And so, even in those moments - I gave her back - and I continue to give them back again and again and to trust the One who loves them a seemingly impossible amount when I acknowledge that He loves them even more than I do...
Thursday, December 5, 2013
teenagers part 1
Teenagers are kind of breathtaking.
You get glimpses of the fruit that you planted in their infancy and childhood.
It's both encouraging - and terrifying.
i don't feel like I'm in any position to offer advice on raising teens. I'm so in the thick of it right now. i have three teenagers in my house - and I've done nothing perfectly... but at the same time, when a sweet friend texted me the other day to ask advice, her questions resonated deeply with me. These were the exact things I've been dealing with these past years - and as we chatted back and forth, i realized that in this time, i *have* been learning and trying my best to implement the little pieces of truth that I've gleaned along the way.
So, i'll post here a bit - (knowing full well that i'll look back on this post in 10 years with a house full of different teenagers and laugh at my naivety) - and hope that there will be bits and pieces that are useful to remember and to pass along.
The first bit of advice that i would gently put forward is to make every attempt not to react or engage when provoked. This has been such a great exercise in humility and laying down my own pride. i want my girls to be able to say anything in my presence - and know that they're safe from harsh reactions and judgements. i want them to be able to voice their questions and know that I'm not going to take it personally if they have a different opinion than me. Sometimes they'll insinuate that I'm not doing a very good job... that's ok. Pride would get defensive, but humility would admit that chances are, they're right. Sometimes they'll imply that the things that i hold very dear and precious are just chaff to them. Pride would be offended, but humility is surrendered. Sometimes they'll hold someone else's opinion in higher regard than mine. Pride would be possessive, but humility reminds me to make an offering of my insights - understanding that rejection is a risk worth taking in these crucial years. My girls all talk to me differently - and in differing amounts too. That's ok. Sometimes communication is harder - we talk in the car when we don't have to make eye contact. We talk about song lyrics, current events, relationships - they say things that i agree with... and about things i disagree with too... and sometimes i know that I'm a little too transparent, "Ahhh - haha - mom doesn't approve..." they might laugh at me; but my hope is that our relationship can be one where defensive pride has no power to hold us back from getting into the places where a mama might actually be able to be of use to her nearly grown girls.
The second bit kind of builds on the first; my advice to my own self is to give grace in the moment, but then be intentional about having "the conversation" later. "Hormotional" is a fantastic word that works in many situations. So often we're worked up - and aching for resolution. I've learned (and am learning painstakingly) that resolution isn't up to only one person. You can be as ready as you want, to get through to resolve a heart issue that is resulting in sin - unkindness to siblings, anger or disobedience... but if my teen's heart is still overwhelmed with emotion - or hormones - it's like banging your head against a brick wall. It's so different than dealing with little ones who need instant conversation (because they won't remember having a melt down in 2 minutes let alone 2 hours). Teens might need time. i am trusting God that we planted good seeds and that the Holy Spirit is working in their lives and convicting them at a deeper level than my words ever could. So i let them leave when they need to. But i try to pick it up later - when the heaviness has lifted... "wow, that was pretty crazy back then eh?" Sometimes you get a little farther, sometimes you don't... but that leads me to number three.
Be intentional about dropping things. I AM THE WORST AT THIS. Ask any of my kids or my husband. i feel total rejection when i can't be reconciled. It has been a huge lesson for me in these years to learn to just drop things. (Neil? Is fairly awesome at this most of the time. He was born to parent teens, and i am so grateful that I'm married to such a masterful daddy). What i mean by, "dropping things" is that i can have a tendency to, "flog the dead horse". i notice that when I'm in a conversation with another person about a difficult topic, if they are silent - i often feel the need to fill in the silence with more and more and more and more and more words. I've needed to learn to stop. Have the conversation, let the conversation end... and then drop it. Done. It's finished. i know that so many times i would have been further ahead if i would have dialed back my words - and learned the value of quietness in my response.
And i guess the whole point of this first piece is to state declaratively: nothing is worth the cost of your relationship. So your child has a perfectly clean room and straight A's - if it cost you your relationship, it was way, way too high a cost. So i was wronged. Find me a mama who never, ever spoke in a rude tone to her child (& maybe some do exist, but I'm pretty sure they're more rare than we'd like to realize). We've been caught in that sin ourselves - let's extend some grace to the angry hormones-coursing-through-their-veins teenager who couldn't remember to treat us with common courtesy. i know we're trying to train our children to respect us - but at some point, that can't be enforced with an iron will. At some point, you have to choose the relationship over enforcement. I'm often reminded in parenting that I'm representing my Father to my little ones. And it breaks my heart to look with piercing eyes on the question, "Are they able to see His Goodness in the way that i parent them?"
Oh Papa, these little ones you gave me? i give them back to You. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight...
“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”
― Kahlil Gibran
You get glimpses of the fruit that you planted in their infancy and childhood.
It's both encouraging - and terrifying.
So, i'll post here a bit - (knowing full well that i'll look back on this post in 10 years with a house full of different teenagers and laugh at my naivety) - and hope that there will be bits and pieces that are useful to remember and to pass along.
The first bit of advice that i would gently put forward is to make every attempt not to react or engage when provoked. This has been such a great exercise in humility and laying down my own pride. i want my girls to be able to say anything in my presence - and know that they're safe from harsh reactions and judgements. i want them to be able to voice their questions and know that I'm not going to take it personally if they have a different opinion than me. Sometimes they'll insinuate that I'm not doing a very good job... that's ok. Pride would get defensive, but humility would admit that chances are, they're right. Sometimes they'll imply that the things that i hold very dear and precious are just chaff to them. Pride would be offended, but humility is surrendered. Sometimes they'll hold someone else's opinion in higher regard than mine. Pride would be possessive, but humility reminds me to make an offering of my insights - understanding that rejection is a risk worth taking in these crucial years. My girls all talk to me differently - and in differing amounts too. That's ok. Sometimes communication is harder - we talk in the car when we don't have to make eye contact. We talk about song lyrics, current events, relationships - they say things that i agree with... and about things i disagree with too... and sometimes i know that I'm a little too transparent, "Ahhh - haha - mom doesn't approve..." they might laugh at me; but my hope is that our relationship can be one where defensive pride has no power to hold us back from getting into the places where a mama might actually be able to be of use to her nearly grown girls.
The second bit kind of builds on the first; my advice to my own self is to give grace in the moment, but then be intentional about having "the conversation" later. "Hormotional" is a fantastic word that works in many situations. So often we're worked up - and aching for resolution. I've learned (and am learning painstakingly) that resolution isn't up to only one person. You can be as ready as you want, to get through to resolve a heart issue that is resulting in sin - unkindness to siblings, anger or disobedience... but if my teen's heart is still overwhelmed with emotion - or hormones - it's like banging your head against a brick wall. It's so different than dealing with little ones who need instant conversation (because they won't remember having a melt down in 2 minutes let alone 2 hours). Teens might need time. i am trusting God that we planted good seeds and that the Holy Spirit is working in their lives and convicting them at a deeper level than my words ever could. So i let them leave when they need to. But i try to pick it up later - when the heaviness has lifted... "wow, that was pretty crazy back then eh?" Sometimes you get a little farther, sometimes you don't... but that leads me to number three.
Be intentional about dropping things. I AM THE WORST AT THIS. Ask any of my kids or my husband. i feel total rejection when i can't be reconciled. It has been a huge lesson for me in these years to learn to just drop things. (Neil? Is fairly awesome at this most of the time. He was born to parent teens, and i am so grateful that I'm married to such a masterful daddy). What i mean by, "dropping things" is that i can have a tendency to, "flog the dead horse". i notice that when I'm in a conversation with another person about a difficult topic, if they are silent - i often feel the need to fill in the silence with more and more and more and more and more words. I've needed to learn to stop. Have the conversation, let the conversation end... and then drop it. Done. It's finished. i know that so many times i would have been further ahead if i would have dialed back my words - and learned the value of quietness in my response.
And i guess the whole point of this first piece is to state declaratively: nothing is worth the cost of your relationship. So your child has a perfectly clean room and straight A's - if it cost you your relationship, it was way, way too high a cost. So i was wronged. Find me a mama who never, ever spoke in a rude tone to her child (& maybe some do exist, but I'm pretty sure they're more rare than we'd like to realize). We've been caught in that sin ourselves - let's extend some grace to the angry hormones-coursing-through-their-veins teenager who couldn't remember to treat us with common courtesy. i know we're trying to train our children to respect us - but at some point, that can't be enforced with an iron will. At some point, you have to choose the relationship over enforcement. I'm often reminded in parenting that I'm representing my Father to my little ones. And it breaks my heart to look with piercing eyes on the question, "Are they able to see His Goodness in the way that i parent them?"
Oh Papa, these little ones you gave me? i give them back to You. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight...
“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Monday, November 11, 2013
praise because of Hope
i've been writing poetry on the sly...
It has been the type of prose that comes in the dark of night when sleep won't come and your imagination refuses to leave you alone.
I have a problem in that I over think *everything* - and in some seasons it creates so many imaginings that i wonder if i'll ever have a productive thought ever again in my whole life.
As I've been wrestling through some of the darkness in my own life - suddenly, this week - there was an awakening of hope. A friend sent me a text message at 8:48pm.. "How are you?"
I picked up my phone to respond, but my brain jumped in.... "Yeah.... how ARE you, paige?"
Hope whispered... "Tell her you feel me. Tell her that you are hopeful..."
Doubt washed over me, "No! Don't do that! Everything will change tomorrow - and you will be without hope and without even the dignity of knowing your own mind."
The hours passed and soon it was too late to text her back...
Morning broke - and I could see her text sill awaiting reply. But I still couldn't answer....
Ridiculous, I know.
Finally - at 2:29, I broke my silence. "Hopeful. & yes. That took me a whole day to write. Hope is so beautiful."
The bible is full of hope - (I love Romans) - and the Christian who keeps his eyes and heart focused on the hope that will not disappoint - is one who is living constantly in truth.
I read a quote the other day that, "Any area of your life that you are not experiencing hope is an area being influenced by a lie. There is ALWAYS hope."
I believe it. I sing it. I shout it. I live it.
i'm going to paste some bible references at the bottom of this post that might shed light on some of the thoughts that i've listed in point form below.
* Hope isn't something that I do all on my own. Hope is given to me by the Holy Spirit. I can ask Him for it when I need to.
* It's in times of darkness and uncertainty that I need hope - and even then - it's a fixing of eyes on the unseen. It's a hold my breath and keep my eyes on the horizon for the rising of the sun. It's a choice to believe even when I have yet to see. There is a beauty in the anticipation of hope - like a pause in music or a dancer who is motionless... a closing of the eyes - knowing the music will soon swell around me as I breathe - "here it comes..."
* Hope doesn't have to be full of sorrowful martyrdom. No. Hope should bring us joy - it should bring peace and patience to our waiting - and when we experience Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit - it should lead us to praise God. To really PRAISE GOD - as we faithfully continue to pray about the situations we're in.
* Hope doesn't mean that I just surrender and then lay down in the fetal position. Hope is a word that gives me the courage to act. i'm digging in, i'm learning and i'm putting one foot in front of the other - because I hope - that God is leading me through.
It has been so amazing lately to be able to understand that we're all in this together. We're all carrying burdens both seen and unseen. Some are struggling with things that are easy to talk about - and some are suffering in silence afraid of the stigma surrounding their mental illness, their failed marriage, their drug addiction or criminal charges. My sister shared a quote with me the other day, "Legalism says, 'what a shame'. Grace says, 'that could be me'. Humility says, 'that is me... " & I guess that's where i'm at these days. We're all messed up - we're all broken... and none of us... not one... is without hope.
It has been the type of prose that comes in the dark of night when sleep won't come and your imagination refuses to leave you alone.
I have a problem in that I over think *everything* - and in some seasons it creates so many imaginings that i wonder if i'll ever have a productive thought ever again in my whole life.
As I've been wrestling through some of the darkness in my own life - suddenly, this week - there was an awakening of hope. A friend sent me a text message at 8:48pm.. "How are you?"
I picked up my phone to respond, but my brain jumped in.... "Yeah.... how ARE you, paige?"
Hope whispered... "Tell her you feel me. Tell her that you are hopeful..."
Doubt washed over me, "No! Don't do that! Everything will change tomorrow - and you will be without hope and without even the dignity of knowing your own mind."
The hours passed and soon it was too late to text her back...
Morning broke - and I could see her text sill awaiting reply. But I still couldn't answer....
Ridiculous, I know.
Finally - at 2:29, I broke my silence. "Hopeful. & yes. That took me a whole day to write. Hope is so beautiful."
The bible is full of hope - (I love Romans) - and the Christian who keeps his eyes and heart focused on the hope that will not disappoint - is one who is living constantly in truth.
I read a quote the other day that, "Any area of your life that you are not experiencing hope is an area being influenced by a lie. There is ALWAYS hope."
I believe it. I sing it. I shout it. I live it.
i'm going to paste some bible references at the bottom of this post that might shed light on some of the thoughts that i've listed in point form below.
* Hope isn't something that I do all on my own. Hope is given to me by the Holy Spirit. I can ask Him for it when I need to.
* It's in times of darkness and uncertainty that I need hope - and even then - it's a fixing of eyes on the unseen. It's a hold my breath and keep my eyes on the horizon for the rising of the sun. It's a choice to believe even when I have yet to see. There is a beauty in the anticipation of hope - like a pause in music or a dancer who is motionless... a closing of the eyes - knowing the music will soon swell around me as I breathe - "here it comes..."
* Hope doesn't have to be full of sorrowful martyrdom. No. Hope should bring us joy - it should bring peace and patience to our waiting - and when we experience Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit - it should lead us to praise God. To really PRAISE GOD - as we faithfully continue to pray about the situations we're in.
* Hope doesn't mean that I just surrender and then lay down in the fetal position. Hope is a word that gives me the courage to act. i'm digging in, i'm learning and i'm putting one foot in front of the other - because I hope - that God is leading me through.
It has been so amazing lately to be able to understand that we're all in this together. We're all carrying burdens both seen and unseen. Some are struggling with things that are easy to talk about - and some are suffering in silence afraid of the stigma surrounding their mental illness, their failed marriage, their drug addiction or criminal charges. My sister shared a quote with me the other day, "Legalism says, 'what a shame'. Grace says, 'that could be me'. Humility says, 'that is me... " & I guess that's where i'm at these days. We're all messed up - we're all broken... and none of us... not one... is without hope.
Psalm 43:5
New International Version (NIV)
5 Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Psalm 71:14
New International Version (NIV)
14 As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
I will praise you more and more.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
New International Version (NIV)
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
Romans 12:12
New International Version (NIV)
12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 15:13
New International Version (NIV)
13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
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