When we travel out to BC - we get McDonalds.
Neil drinks Red Bull.
i buy an entertainment magazine to look at all the pretty dresses.
We let the kids watch too many movies.
We listen to all Neil's favourites on xm radio.
i hope that Jim Rome won't come on...
"Neil?"
"mhmm?"
"i love you."
"Yeah." (Trying to negotiate traffic) "i know."
"No, like, i love love you."
(Shoving a bunch of french fries in his mouth) "Like, adore?" (cheekily).
ok, so he gets it... i sit back, content... & check out, 'who wore it better.'
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
butterfly piano...
i wasn't gonna blog today - but then Neil & i saw this:
i honestly wish i had never seen it...
i want it so bad!!! (Sounds nice & warm & yummy too - it's quite a bit bigger than mine... hehe... after all my moaning about not deserving my beautiful instrument - now i'm mooing about a nicer one... What a wacko.)
i'm so naughty - there's sweet little butterflies inside too...
So cool...
Friday, April 3, 2009
Hell Hath No Fury...
Like a momma scorned...
The dollar store lady made me lose my cool.
My 4 bigs went to the $ store to buy some face paint for circus night at awana. While they were there, a friend of ours approached them & invited Charter to a birthday party later on in the day - just a casual thing - so Charter thought he'd like to buy a little bday gift there too. While they were looking for a gift, the lady from the store came up to them & said, "This isn't a babysitting service.. Either buy something or leave".. Cai was mortified & scooted the kids out of the store without buying anything... i was livid when she called me from the cell (it's only a couple of blocks away) & i phoned the store. The lady even admitted they were being good, "But," she said, "Lots of kids their age come in here to steal"... Talk about ageism & profiling!! Should i have had more grace??
i didn't...
Immediately after the phone call, i cried. i'm a girl - and conflict makes me uncomfortable. i second guessed my first *roaring* impulse of protective motherliness - & wondered if i should have just let it be. One of my favourite quotes after all, is from my mother who said, "It's not my job to go around correcting every ignorant person in the world. If it was, it'd be a full time job."
But then, i remembered that afternoon in grade 3. Our class had been to the swimming pool for lessons. i was a bit of a loner - & a tiny bit shy. When we got back to the school, our teacher was furious with us for taking so long in the changerooms after our lessons. She tore into us - (she tended to have a bit of a temper) & in front of the whole class, singled me out & LIED about me. i was an extremely modest kid - even for an 8 year old - & she said... "People like Paige - just standing in the middle of the room naked, talking instead of getting ready!!"
At the word 'naked'... my heart froze.
i could feel the shame creeping up my neck.
When i changed - there were no stalls, but i remember holding my towel around me to try to cover myself & changing quickly to get out of there.
i have no idea what else she said, but it was the end of the day & the bell rang. i grabbed my bag & held my breath, my ears ringing - till i saw my mom waiting in the car... then all the tears and embarrassment came out in the safety of my momma's arms.
My mom listened to me for about 4 seconds & then said, "Wait right here." & went into the school.
i don't know what she said - or how mean ol' Mme. Helene reacted - but i did know that my mom stood up for me that day.
As i remembered what it felt like to have an adult - my mom - on my team, i knew i had done the right thing.
It's not my job to correct every ignorant person in the world... but on Wednesday, it was -
So, i did.
The dollar store lady made me lose my cool.
My 4 bigs went to the $ store to buy some face paint for circus night at awana. While they were there, a friend of ours approached them & invited Charter to a birthday party later on in the day - just a casual thing - so Charter thought he'd like to buy a little bday gift there too. While they were looking for a gift, the lady from the store came up to them & said, "This isn't a babysitting service.. Either buy something or leave".. Cai was mortified & scooted the kids out of the store without buying anything... i was livid when she called me from the cell (it's only a couple of blocks away) & i phoned the store. The lady even admitted they were being good, "But," she said, "Lots of kids their age come in here to steal"... Talk about ageism & profiling!! Should i have had more grace??
i didn't...
Immediately after the phone call, i cried. i'm a girl - and conflict makes me uncomfortable. i second guessed my first *roaring* impulse of protective motherliness - & wondered if i should have just let it be. One of my favourite quotes after all, is from my mother who said, "It's not my job to go around correcting every ignorant person in the world. If it was, it'd be a full time job."
But then, i remembered that afternoon in grade 3. Our class had been to the swimming pool for lessons. i was a bit of a loner - & a tiny bit shy. When we got back to the school, our teacher was furious with us for taking so long in the changerooms after our lessons. She tore into us - (she tended to have a bit of a temper) & in front of the whole class, singled me out & LIED about me. i was an extremely modest kid - even for an 8 year old - & she said... "People like Paige - just standing in the middle of the room naked, talking instead of getting ready!!"
At the word 'naked'... my heart froze.
i could feel the shame creeping up my neck.
When i changed - there were no stalls, but i remember holding my towel around me to try to cover myself & changing quickly to get out of there.
i have no idea what else she said, but it was the end of the day & the bell rang. i grabbed my bag & held my breath, my ears ringing - till i saw my mom waiting in the car... then all the tears and embarrassment came out in the safety of my momma's arms.
My mom listened to me for about 4 seconds & then said, "Wait right here." & went into the school.
i don't know what she said - or how mean ol' Mme. Helene reacted - but i did know that my mom stood up for me that day.
As i remembered what it felt like to have an adult - my mom - on my team, i knew i had done the right thing.
It's not my job to correct every ignorant person in the world... but on Wednesday, it was -
So, i did.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
We've Measured You On Our Rubric...
i remember growing up - it seemed whatever i wanted to try my hand at, one of my big sisters had already climbed that mountain - & better & faster than i could too.
i've always felt a little pathetic with what i could possibly offer the world, my family, my God.
There's a song i'll never finish - i started to write it when we lived in Daysland. It's seriously the only song of mine that Neil could sing off the top of his head - because it's a standing joke between us. The chorus starts out, "nothing's ever good enough"... It seemed that in that whiny place that i was in when i started to write that song - that's how i felt - like i was never good enough. So, it's the punchline to any disappointment... i burn the lasagne - he sings, "nothing's ever good enough..." He takes a wrong turn on the way to our destination & i point it out, he sings, "nothing's ever good enough..."
He's silly...
But - it sure is an uncomfortable position to be in when you feel like you never quite measure up - kind of like...
"i love the painting you've made, but i'd never hang it in my house..."
"Your song is on the radio - but let's change the channel & see what else is on..."
"Your chili is good, but i'd love to get Edna's recipe..."
"You can totally keep doing what you're doing, but i wouldn't waste my time like that..."
i remember times in my life where i cried out to God for more opportunities for music. Where i felt that all i poured out to Him at my piano, in my home ~ was something that i ached to share... like *please, God, choose to use me*, but eventually, i came to a place where i told God that the music i write, the songs that i sing, the music that is in my life & my heart ~ it's all for Him. He can use it as He sees fit ~ to shape me as a momma ~ to lead a congregation ~ to teach me to worship... as *one* voice ~ in my house, for the Audience of One.
So, my music - be what it may be - lacking on the rubric, will resound in these walls... praising God - because what else is there to do, but to praise Him?
i remember when i was pregnant with Charter, & Neil bought me my beautiful baby grand piano (we had sold my old upright 'cause we couldn't get it into the house...) ~ Anyway, i got home one night & there it was.... & he said it was to remind me of all the things i'm good at besides being a momma. i was so embarrassed, i couldn't tell my friends that my husband had bought me this completely extravagant gift. i felt like i didn't deserve such a nice instrument... just for *me* to play on & sing with... i felt totally inadequate - & undeserving. Like i just wasn't good enough.
Have you ever been there?
So, the other night... i had a funny picture in my head.
Can you guess?
It was a rubric...
Despair -
My inadequacies - that i had been so careful to keep to myself had been marked in little boxes with numbers that added up to failure. For some reason - i had been graded on a test i didn't intend to take. Picked seemingly at random - & found wanting.
But suddenly - right before my eyes - my rubric was topped up...
God filled what i lacked - where i lacked more - there was suddenly more of Him.
Enough - complete - adequate.
i was suddenly like the poor widow at the temple - who, though she gave little, Jesus measured it as much, because it was all she had. (Mark 12:41)
So, that's my encouragement to you today - continue to give all you have... God will fill in where you lack - he'll multiply your loaves and fishes -
Take heart -
it will be good enough.
i've always felt a little pathetic with what i could possibly offer the world, my family, my God.
There's a song i'll never finish - i started to write it when we lived in Daysland. It's seriously the only song of mine that Neil could sing off the top of his head - because it's a standing joke between us. The chorus starts out, "nothing's ever good enough"... It seemed that in that whiny place that i was in when i started to write that song - that's how i felt - like i was never good enough. So, it's the punchline to any disappointment... i burn the lasagne - he sings, "nothing's ever good enough..." He takes a wrong turn on the way to our destination & i point it out, he sings, "nothing's ever good enough..."
He's silly...
But - it sure is an uncomfortable position to be in when you feel like you never quite measure up - kind of like...
"i love the painting you've made, but i'd never hang it in my house..."
"Your song is on the radio - but let's change the channel & see what else is on..."
"Your chili is good, but i'd love to get Edna's recipe..."
"You can totally keep doing what you're doing, but i wouldn't waste my time like that..."
i remember times in my life where i cried out to God for more opportunities for music. Where i felt that all i poured out to Him at my piano, in my home ~ was something that i ached to share... like *please, God, choose to use me*, but eventually, i came to a place where i told God that the music i write, the songs that i sing, the music that is in my life & my heart ~ it's all for Him. He can use it as He sees fit ~ to shape me as a momma ~ to lead a congregation ~ to teach me to worship... as *one* voice ~ in my house, for the Audience of One.
So, my music - be what it may be - lacking on the rubric, will resound in these walls... praising God - because what else is there to do, but to praise Him?
i remember when i was pregnant with Charter, & Neil bought me my beautiful baby grand piano (we had sold my old upright 'cause we couldn't get it into the house...) ~ Anyway, i got home one night & there it was.... & he said it was to remind me of all the things i'm good at besides being a momma. i was so embarrassed, i couldn't tell my friends that my husband had bought me this completely extravagant gift. i felt like i didn't deserve such a nice instrument... just for *me* to play on & sing with... i felt totally inadequate - & undeserving. Like i just wasn't good enough.
Have you ever been there?
So, the other night... i had a funny picture in my head.
Can you guess?
It was a rubric...
Despair -
My inadequacies - that i had been so careful to keep to myself had been marked in little boxes with numbers that added up to failure. For some reason - i had been graded on a test i didn't intend to take. Picked seemingly at random - & found wanting.
But suddenly - right before my eyes - my rubric was topped up...
God filled what i lacked - where i lacked more - there was suddenly more of Him.
Enough - complete - adequate.
i was suddenly like the poor widow at the temple - who, though she gave little, Jesus measured it as much, because it was all she had. (Mark 12:41)
So, that's my encouragement to you today - continue to give all you have... God will fill in where you lack - he'll multiply your loaves and fishes -
Take heart -
it will be good enough.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
An Offshoot - church
church with a lower case c...
That's what i'm talking about today.
It's another one of those difficult subjects that people tend to feel strongly about - & one that Neil & i have both wrestled with over the years. Reading my sister's post on the subject yesterday is what prompted me to think again on this subject. i'm posting my comment in response to her post here.
(you can read her blog here: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/mamazee/674283/ )
Yes, these are all things that make 'church' hard - and yet... Lately - in the nursery - in conversation - in teeny bits of building relationships, i'm finding that there is a place for me and for our family at our church.
It's true what you said about there being hurting people at the church - but i don't like the idea of leaving them for the pastor alone to minister to. i've found that in order to get past the formal greeting stage of relationship, it becomes necessary to lay your soul bare - Yes... we're different than the cultural norm found in the church building - but if i serve as a finger, pointing to Jesus when so many hurting, lost people come looking for Him - then i am grateful. i think that the church needs people who love Jesus to fill it - because when we are a community - there are mature people, hurting people, thriving people, questioning people, angry people... and i find myself hoping that a lot of the people who sincerely love Jesus (and are counter-culture) don't leave our church because then we'll just continue to follow the cultural norms that have been making church so horribly uncomfortable in the last decade especially. Francis Schaeffer said 'tell me what the world is saying now and i'll tell you what the church will be saying 7 years from now" - my hope is that by standing firm against the current - we can change that. Yes, leaving is one way of saying that what's happening is unacceptable - but staying and choosing to speak out is an alternative. i think that 'talking back' to the tv, newspaper - and yes - even the status quo in the church - like mom & dad did - teaches *good* things to our children. i'm not saying leaving isn't an option - i just really believe that it's not the only acceptable choice for families who want to make an impact and keep Jesus as the first priority.
"Children's ministry" - is such a tough question for us too. Some of the parents in our church opt out & have their children sit with them. i highly doubt you'd be reprimanded if you did - & really - at this stage, almost *anything* is hard with a whole bunch of wiggly little ones. i don't feel confident either that my children are being taught good things. i don't doubt that they're told bible stories & good bible truths, but when all i hear about when we get home is how Charter got called a 'girl' the whole time - or how a girl in grade 5 kept pulling down her own pants - i wonder if the good is worth the price paid.
i believe too - that what we do in the house/family is so much more important - but right now - i still feel like our family is supposed to be in church.
This is one of those issues that i think we benefit from wrestling with - rather than just accepting 'this is what we've always done'. i know that for me - it's not a resolved issue - but something i will continue to work through in my own heart & mind.
Good post, Steevie.
That's what i'm talking about today.
It's another one of those difficult subjects that people tend to feel strongly about - & one that Neil & i have both wrestled with over the years. Reading my sister's post on the subject yesterday is what prompted me to think again on this subject. i'm posting my comment in response to her post here.
(you can read her blog here: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/mamazee/674283/ )
Yes, these are all things that make 'church' hard - and yet... Lately - in the nursery - in conversation - in teeny bits of building relationships, i'm finding that there is a place for me and for our family at our church.
It's true what you said about there being hurting people at the church - but i don't like the idea of leaving them for the pastor alone to minister to. i've found that in order to get past the formal greeting stage of relationship, it becomes necessary to lay your soul bare - Yes... we're different than the cultural norm found in the church building - but if i serve as a finger, pointing to Jesus when so many hurting, lost people come looking for Him - then i am grateful. i think that the church needs people who love Jesus to fill it - because when we are a community - there are mature people, hurting people, thriving people, questioning people, angry people... and i find myself hoping that a lot of the people who sincerely love Jesus (and are counter-culture) don't leave our church because then we'll just continue to follow the cultural norms that have been making church so horribly uncomfortable in the last decade especially. Francis Schaeffer said 'tell me what the world is saying now and i'll tell you what the church will be saying 7 years from now" - my hope is that by standing firm against the current - we can change that. Yes, leaving is one way of saying that what's happening is unacceptable - but staying and choosing to speak out is an alternative. i think that 'talking back' to the tv, newspaper - and yes - even the status quo in the church - like mom & dad did - teaches *good* things to our children. i'm not saying leaving isn't an option - i just really believe that it's not the only acceptable choice for families who want to make an impact and keep Jesus as the first priority.
"Children's ministry" - is such a tough question for us too. Some of the parents in our church opt out & have their children sit with them. i highly doubt you'd be reprimanded if you did - & really - at this stage, almost *anything* is hard with a whole bunch of wiggly little ones. i don't feel confident either that my children are being taught good things. i don't doubt that they're told bible stories & good bible truths, but when all i hear about when we get home is how Charter got called a 'girl' the whole time - or how a girl in grade 5 kept pulling down her own pants - i wonder if the good is worth the price paid.
i believe too - that what we do in the house/family is so much more important - but right now - i still feel like our family is supposed to be in church.
This is one of those issues that i think we benefit from wrestling with - rather than just accepting 'this is what we've always done'. i know that for me - it's not a resolved issue - but something i will continue to work through in my own heart & mind.
Good post, Steevie.
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